


The Afternoon

by MannaMarianna



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Marriage, No Spoilers, Parenthood, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, You'll Have to Read to Find Out - Freeform, adult characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-03 12:14:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14568792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MannaMarianna/pseuds/MannaMarianna
Summary: Even is forty and married with kids when he gets invited to Magnus' wedding. The joyful meeting of old friends quickly turns into something else, something that threatens to turn his life, and many others', upside down.Growing up doesn't always make people better at relationships; they are always messy.





	1. Chapter 1

Even stepped on the balcony with a cup of coffee in his hand and a smile on his face. It was a glorious, sunny morning, unusually warm for September in Oslo. In a moment he’d need to go back in and help Monika to get the kids ready for school and daycare but he wanted drink his coffee and enjoy the early morning sunshine for just a few minutes. 

He let his thoughts wander and they inevitably drifted towards work. Last week had seen the wrapping of his latest project and there was a period of relative calm at work. From experience he knew that the next project, another movie, was to be an equally intense experience but right now he had a bit of time to breath in before he’d be wrapped up in a that job. The time to collect himself felt much needed, both creatively and personally.

Absent-mindedly he rested his eyes on the scenery of nearby houses and the park to the left of their building. Sipping his coffee he made a weak promise to himself to go running there one day soon. He really should take advantage of the free time he now had in the evenings to do some sports again. 

He felt content and hopeful this morning. Last night he'd made love to his wife after quite a long time and it had, as it often did, made them feel more connected to each other; the easy caresses and little jokes this morning were a proof of that. Even had realized long ago that sex was a quick way to feel a connection again in their busy lives. 

However, a thought did pass his mind that over time this quick fix worked less and less well and that the effects were not very long-lasting. Just as it sometimes occurred to him that it seemed almost impossible to stop them from drifting apart, no matter how many hotel weekends they had or date nights they tried to squeeze into their hectic schedules. This morning, however, he shook his head and pushed aside any marital concerns he might have. There would be another time to think about the state of his marriage.

That was the case especially as there was yet another reason for his excitement this morning; the one he really wanted to think about. Magnus. At nearly 40 years old Magnus was finally getting hitched. At their age the tsunami of weddings, which in their early thirties had felt never-ending, had practically stopped. A few friends had divorced and gotten re-married but these had been smaller weddings, not quite the spectacles of the first round.

Magnus’ wedding, however, was going to be quite a large event. He and Mari were social butterflies and seemed to have loads of friends. No doubt this was to be a great, fun wedding. And tonight was going to be the first meeting with all the guys, minus Magnus of course, to make plans for his stag do. 

Even felt excited at the thought of seeing so many faces from the past … and a little nostalgic too. He knew he was going to meet Isak for the first time in twenty years. The one and only boy he had ever been in love with. The first boy he had kissed. And the first person because of whom his heart had broken.

Time had taken its toll and now the memories of the time they’d been friends were like faded photographs; they evoked hazy feelings but the order of events, faces, names and many other details were hard to come by. The second part of his final year at Nissen had been a heady mix of hanging out with the guys, parties, exams, stress and excitement of finally graduating and a new life beginning. And then there had been a large dose of desire. And longing.

Looking back, he felt like every memory of that whirlwind spring had Isak in it. Even though Isak had been a second year and not involved in all the russ business. Even though Even had had a girlfriend. Even though he’d had another set of friends too. It just seemed that Isak had been everywhere with him. Present in his thoughts all the time.

The balcony door swung open startling Even and little Tobias ran to his father crying. 

“Pappa, Marte hit me!”

Marte’s voice from inside the house responded furiously.

“I did not! It was an accident! Pappa, you have to believe me, my hairbrush hit his head by ACCIDENT!”

Even sighed. The quiet moment of the morning was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Even opened his bike lock and hurriedly jumped on his bike. He was running a little late, as usual. He headed towards Grunerlokka, hoping he’d remember the location of the bar correctly; he hadn’t been to a bar in there in a long time. But he knew it wouldn’t be a peaceful environment to meet. After all, it was a Friday afternoon and the weather was warm and yellow like honey. The terraces and bars would be packed.

Biking through the city Even returned to his memories one more time, as he had done several times throughout the day. He felt like he was going meet an ex-lover from a distant past, a long-forgotten high school sweetheart. He was excited and yet it felt like too long of a time had passed to actually feel much else than curiosity. 

He’d never been quite able to shake the feeling that he should have made a bigger move back then, many moves if needed, to make something more happen with Isak. But he hadn’t been bold enough; hadn’t trusted his instincts. He had been so young -and Isak too. Not yet sure how much they could trust themselves or each other. 

When he had last seen Isak, he’d had no idea that this was to be the last time they’d meet. Isak had just heard the news that he could join Jonas’ family on a month-long holiday to France. He’d been excited about this sudden chance to holiday abroad with his best friend. But he had looked at Even carefully and questioningly. It had been quiet between them. Everybody else around them had kept talking excitedly about their summer plans but Even and Isak seemed to have existed in a vacuum in which they really only heard and talked to each other. And yet they had barely said anything at all. 

By that time Even had already been partly resigned to how things were. It had hurt but he had tried to put his mind into organizing the trip around Europe he was going on with Sonja and some other friends, the trip that had been on the cards since last autumn. Even hadn’t wanted to go anymore but he also didn’t want to ruin the long-awaited holiday for everybody else. After all, without him there wouldn’t have been a trip to go on to as they were primarily his friends. In hindsight, it would’ve been better if there hadn’t been; the trip had turned out catastrophic.

He took a deep breath thanking the gods that he wasn’t in such turmoil anymore. That life was clearer now and his feelings in check. Even being bipolar was largely a non-issue nowadays; he was lucky that he’d found a way to live with it that worked for him -and meds too. The more he looked into the past, the happier he felt of his age. Any and all age-related crisis had evaded him and he had been really quite content to turn forty last year.

Biking slower now in the narrow, but surprisingly busy streets of Grunerlokka, Even felt safe in assuming that he and Isak would raise a glass to the memories and ignore discussing any feelings they might have had at the time. Or maybe they wouldn’t ignore anything. Maybe they’d share light-heartedly that they had once had a crush on each other and laugh about that one evening when they had crossed the line and kissed. That memory was as soft as a kitten in Even’s mind -and just raw enough for him to barely want to think about it.

He had chosen his clothes with a little more care than usual this morning and had gone for his favorite jeans, black shirt and cool, but adult and expensive enough, sneakers. He’d stared in the mirror at the few grey hairs that were barely noticeable in his blond hair and realized that his haircut was shorter but otherwise not very different from his younger days, even if he would never in a million years fix it up on top of his head again like he used to do. 

He wasn’t the breadstick he used to be but the extra weight he carried looked good on him and just added a little gravity to his looks. Because, let’s face it, he was still slim and his belly still flat. Time had been gentle with him, he had concluded, if you ignored the deeper wrinkles around his eyes, sharper angles of his face and the very slight grey tint in his hair. 

After finding the bar he stopped by a nearby bike stand and had just leaned over to lock his bike when he heard a voice from the past.

“Well, isn’t that Even Bech Naesheim!”, the voice shouted excitedly. 

Even straightened himself and turned to see a smirking Jonas right there in front of him. 

“Jonas! Oh my god! Good to see you! It’s been a long time!” Even said enthusiastically stepping closer to hug him. 

Jonas pulled back from the hug and held him by the shoulders.

“You look exactly the same, man! I can’t believe it!” Jonas enthused. “We have so much to catch up on! I mean, how have you been?” Jonas said shaking his shoulders.

“I think we should go in and order a drink, this might take a while!” Even answered laughing. 

He had a good look at his old friend and concluded that Jonas still looked very much like himself too. A little sturdier, as they all were, with a neatly cut short hair which was gently dotted with grey hairs throughout. Jonas looked like a confident, well-off hipster and the look fitted him like a glove. Even felt a little bang of loss thinking they had lost touch just like that, when he couldn’t even remember why. Especially as he had gotten to know Jonas first and had bonded with him so easily over arts and rap music in the many parties they both attended.

They made their way into the bar which luckily was almost entirely deserted; everyone wanted to be outside. Even looked around and sure enough, in the back of the bar there was a large group of guys standing around chatting to each other. A tall, blonde guy spotted them and walked over.

“Hi, I’m Nils. You’re coming to Magnus’ thing, right?” he asked brightly.

Even recognized him instantly Magnus’ younger brother. They hadn’t met face to face but he looked a lot like Magnus; the same features and open expression on his face. He was Magnus’ best man and he’d been the one emailing everyone about the plans. And what an enthusiastic best man he seemed to be. He was roughly ten years younger, if Even remembered correctly, and seemed to have endless amounts of plans and energy.

After introductions Nils ushered them towards the others explaining who had already arrived and who was still missing. Even nodded politely but lost track of the conversation quickly. He kept his eyes on the group of guys, searching for familiar faces. Well, one familiar face in particular. Patience had never been his best trait and he was just too curious by now. And Even spotted him soon enough. 

It was most definitely Isak and Even held his breath for a moment. Isak was deep in a conversation with someone, one hand holding a beer and another on his hip. He looked like the doctor that he was, in a serious conversation with a colleague or a patient. There was a little frown on his face and he seemed to consider his answers carefully. It dawned on Even that perhaps he actually was talking about something medical; the ungrateful part of a doctor’s job was that people would approach them literally in any social setting with health-related questions. 

Well-cut dark blond hair, glasses, a white shirt, neat, black jeans and sensible shoes... Isak looked like he might have come here straight from work. Like most of them probably had. Isak seemed wider somehow but quite fit. He looked his age, for sure, but good, with a little stubble covering his face. He was taller than Even remembered and his face livelier. Perhaps he had held onto his feelings tighter when he was young, been more insecure. Even reminded himself to breathe again and stop being so dramatic. He was just meeting an old friend. A few old friends actually. 

Then, out of the blue, a big smile spread on Isak’s face and he burst into laughter. Years seemed to vanish and he suddenly looked much younger. That was the Isak Even remembered. It really was the same boy from Even memories and distant dreams. Isak was still laughing and talking when his eyes wandered around the room carelessly and landed on Even.

An even bigger, amazed smile spread on Isak’s face and he nodded to Even. Even felt himself grinning back. God, it was good and weird in equal measure to see him. Isak kept his eyes on him while he listened for a short while longer to his companion until he turned to say something to him and then left to walk straight up to Even. He stopped right in front of him still smiling and nodding his head. 

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s you!” he said stepping closer to give Even a strong hug.

“I know. This is crazy!” Even responded. His cheeks already felt the strain of smiling so wide.

Isak pulled back and looked at him a little lost for words. 

“I mean it’s been like what… 20 years?” Isak wondered.

“Yeah, something like that. It’s funny we haven’t even bumped into each other all this time!”

“Well, you were abroad and then I was too so it’s not like we’ve been in Oslo all this time.”

“Oh, where have you been?” Even asked, surprised.

“In Canada for a few years.” Isak waived his hand. “But you’re friends with Magnus now! What a coincidence! So you guys did bump into each other! Wasn’t it in a tennis club?”

It warmed Even to hear that Isak had talked about him with Magnus. That he might have asked about him just like Even had asked about Isak.

“Yeah, we took the same tennis course a few years ago and started to play tennis together. It was quite perfect actually! We’ve been meeting up with our families too.” Even said. 

There was instantly a twinge of regret for having brought his family into the discussion so soon but he gave himself a little mental slap. Why not talk about his family with an old friend? He told himself not to be silly.

“Yes, I heard you have kids! And they are the same age as Magnus’ twins?” Isak asked politely.

“Well yes, Marte is eight years old, just as his twins. And then there’s Aurora who’s six and Tobias who’s four.” Even said and the same warmth and pride spread in him as always when he told anyone about his kids. What he really wanted to do was to take out his phone and show the best and the cutest photos of his kids but he never did because… you just don’t do that.

“Do you have kids?” Even asked conversationally even though he knew the answer. Magnus was talkative. 

“Oh no, that hasn’t happened.” Isak said with a little shadow passing his face. He looked around at nothing in particular for a moment. “Doesn’t happen just like that when you’re gay and have a busy job!” he said, clearly trying to sound light and cheerful.

Even felt stupid for bringing it up. Despite feeling proud of his kids he should know by now not to push the issue in conversations. You never knew how people would feel and respond. He was searching for a way back to a more cheerful topic when another familiar face popped up from behind Isak making Even feel he had stepped into a time machine.

Mahdi looked fantastic and his smile seemed to take up his entire face.

“Even! Still as tall as ever!” he said taking Even’s hand and shaking it vigorously.

“Mahdi! Come here!” Even smiled back at him pulling him into a hug.

Mahdi did look great. His youthful face had only become even more handsome over time. He looked fit and self-confident. Getting older really suits some people more than others. Even felt weary and tired compared to the guy. 

Jonas joined them too and Even felt elated seeing them all together again.

“So finally it’s happening for Magnus! Good for him!” Jonas exclaimed, the others nodding their heads approvingly. “I still can’t believe he and Vilde never got married. They were together forever!”

“Well yeah, I can understand though.” Isak said. “Who gets married in their early twenties?”

Jonas sighted. “No, you’re right. And I mean, who am I to talk? Me and Mia are not even married.”

“And won’t get married either, I think” Mahdi added knowingly and smiled at his friend.

“Yeah no, it’s not for us. But the kids ask about it sometimes so maybe one day you’ll be invited to a barbecue and we’ll go through with it.” Jonas smirked.

“I think it’s quite incredible that you guys are still friends after so many years. I lost touch with most of my high school friends over the years. Just like with you too.” Even said a little sadly.

“You moved to London though.” Jonas replied. “That makes a difference. Mahdi and Magnus went to the same business school so that helped. It’s more unbelievable to me that you and Magnus became friends again after all these years! And I’m happy you did! So good to see you, seriously.” Jonas threw his arm around Even’s shoulder and squeezed him. 

Even felt warmed again by Jonas’ enthusiasm and welcoming attitude. Jonas just seemed like the kind of a genuine person anyone would like to have as a friend. Maybe they could hang out sometimes again. Or, in other words, go for a beer. Or something. Nobody at their age 'hang out' anymore, Even reminded himself, a little amused at his own thoughts. But Even knew it wouldn't hurt to make more of an effort to have friends; there were never too many of those at this stage of life when life has narrowed down to mainly work and family.

Conversation continued to flow easily and was full of jokes and laughter. Even felt comforted that underneath it all they still seemed to be essentially the same people as they were back in Nissen. 

He thought to himself how there was always something incredibly moving about meeting old friends from your youth. It was as if these people knew something about you that your more recent friends and loved ones could never know. Like you had a secret together. It felt like there was no point in pretending to be anything else than you were because these people had seen you when you were still forming. 

Even hadn’t known them for a very long time but the shared history had clearly been enough to make a bond that could be re-created this much later again, at least on a superficial level. At least for tonight.

He paused to look at Isak every now and then and had to admit it felt a little bitter-sweet to see him. Alcohol might exaggerate the feelings though, he reminded himself. And he had been thinking about Isak quite a bit lately, actually ever since he’d realized they would inevitably meet during the wedding-related events. Memories and feelings he hadn’t even thought about in years had re-surfaced. They had been so young and inexperienced back then, even naïve. Puppy love, that’s what it had been, he had concluded.

“OK, now it looks like we’re all here!” Nils raised his voice and the chatter quieted down. “I’ve made a little plan so I thought we’d talk about that for a bit!”

Isak leaned closer to Even and whispered smiling “Let’s get down to serious business then.” Even smiled back at him. His brain somewhat unhelpfully noted that Isak smelled nice. His eyes too were still beautifully green, even behind glasses, and his lips looked just as delicate as back then. For a second Even thought that if they were still the same people as before, would it be so crazy if he felt a little attracted to Isak again? Just a little?


	3. Chapter 3

Nils’ plan for the stag do was actually quite brilliant. He was clearly not only an enthusiastic and fun best man but also a thoughtful and good organizer. He had clearly realized that a lot of the guys in the group were soon, if not already, in their forties, including Magnus, and thus perhaps not into some ridiculous drunken bar crawl around town. 

Nils wasn’t the only one in the group in his late twenties as a few cousins and the bride’s brother were also younger. Even thought it was actually a pretty good thing to have some younger guys with them to keep up a more festive mood and good energy. At least he himself wasn’t much of a party animal these days. Work and the kids just seemed to drain him of any and all energy. And who really partied anymore anyway. 

As it turns out, they were going to celebrate Magnus’ upcoming wedding by spending a weekend in a large cottage close to the sea, rock-climbing and hiking. One of the cousins was a chef and had helped organize the food and drinks together with Jonas and a few others. Even felt bad for not helping out but he had no glue what to do really; he felt like he had no expertise to offer. He just paid his share of the bill.

The weekend was taking place in the end of October, well in advance of the wedding in the beginning of December. Since the meeting at the bar and the fun night he had had catching up with everybody, Even had been impatient for the weekend to arrive. He felt eager to get away from work and the pressures of family life for a fun weekend with the guys.

In quieter moments Even thought about Isak, as had often happened in the past weeks. Even had indeed felt an attraction to him. It had been great to see this adult version of him, seemingly happy and confident. Even had learned that Isak was single, lived in the center of Oslo and had been in a relationship with someone called Anders with whom he had lived with until two years ago. He learned that Isak played football and helped coach a kids’ football team. He learned that Isak was funny, easy to talk to and unpretentious. And that he had a great smile.

It had been a long time since Even had last felt attracted to anybody else than his wife. Except that at times, sadly, he hadn’t felt attracted to anybody at all. 

Even had no idea what to do about this though. 

***

That Friday morning he was getting the kids ready for the day, as usual. It was always a herculean effort to get them all dressed, fed and out of the door in appropriate outdoor clothing but this morning was even worse than usual. 

Monika was taking the kids to her sister’ place for the weekend a couple of hours away, like she often did when Even was out of town, and each kid had packed an unnecessarily large amount of toys and books into their bags. The height of the drama was that it was currently impossible to close any of them and the negotiations about which toy should be left out was causing much distress. Monika and Even tried to unload toys while running around getting the clothes and rest of the stuff together so that they could leave as soon as Monika would get out of work.

“Pappa, you come too?” Tobias asked taking Even’s hand, finally satisfied with leaving his big, yellow tractor behind as long as his barbie doll could make it.

“No honey, I’m going meet my friends this weekend.” Even said squeezing his little hand softly. He leaned down to caress the boy’s soft little cheek and added: “But pappa will come back very soon! You get to go meet your cousins with mamma! Isn’t that fun? They have a new trampoline!”

Tobias nodded seriously and said in a small voice: “Okay, pappa.”

Even felt heavy and hugged his little boy tightly. No matter how much he was always looking forward to time on his own without the kids, being away from them always felt unsettling, like he was off balance.

“Come on, Even, I really have to leave now if I don’t want to be late.” Monika said tightly. She had been stressed out all morning and Even had grown increasingly irritated. A weekend away from each other would do good for them. 

He watched his wife pulling her brown, shiny hair up into a quick ponytail with annoyed look on her face. Everything about her looks and manners felt overly familiar. Sometimes it felt like he could guess her thoughts too. Even wondered briefly when exactly it had come to that. When had it been the first time that he’d looked at her and just felt... bored? Judging by his wife’s off-handed goodbye he knew that she too was happy to have him out of her sight for the weekend. 

***

Even had decided to work from home today before taking off in the late afternoon. He would have a conference call with the producers and the costume designer of his next movie. Then he would spend the day going through his emails which were starting to pick up again in volume the closer they came to the production really taking off. 

Checking his phone he saw a few more messages in their ‘Magnus stag do’ group. They were primarily from Isak.

‘Something came up at work and I’ll start off a bit later than expected. Will leave around six. Sorry. See you there.’ 

And:

‘Anyone else leaving later, let me know. There’s space in my car.’

Even stared at his phone for a few seconds and before he knew it, he had messaged back.

‘Isak, I’m also delayed. Wanna drive up together?’

He had no idea what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter was a tad short and the start has been slow. I promise things will pick up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind words and kudos! Much appreciated!!
> 
> I'm currently trying to post every day. Sorry for not being able to say how many chapters this will be in the end but I promise you the story is all mapped out and has a clear ending. As soon as I can, I'll add the total chapter number.
> 
> Also, I don't know how to rate this so I chose Explicit but I'm not actually going to write porn so.. yeah, I don't know.

Isak looked different to last time when he stopped his Tesla in front of Even’s house. Gone were the glasses. He was wearing a well-fitting pair of jeans and, underneath his wide open jacket, a tight, white t-shirt. One that Even could never wear, not least because his kids would get it dirty in no time, but also because he didn’t feel confident his upper body would do such a revealing shirt any real justice. His eyes landed on Isak’s nipples but luckily he had the presence of mind to lift his gaze quickly.

‘Hey! Thanks for picking me up!’ Even said trying to cover up for his wandering eyes.

‘No problem! Nice to have some company. I hate driving by myself, especially as it’ll be dark and rainy on the road.’ Isak said happily.

‘Nice car!’ Even noted sitting on the passenger seat. ‘I’m driving a Nissan Leaf but I’ve been dreaming of one of these for a while.’

Isak looked at him, a little surprised. ‘What, you couldn’t afford one, being a famous director and all?’

Even squirmed. ‘Come on, not really famous… It’s a job. I’m literally an employee, you know, an in-house director. In a production company.’

Isak smiled even wider. ‘Don’t you even try. I’ve seen the articles. Also the one with your wife!’

Shit. The article had come out years ago but it was still embarrassing to think about that misjudgment. He blamed Monika; she’d thought it’d be great publicity for the movie.

‘Well, fuck. I got talked into that one... It was really supposed to be just an interview about Wild at Heart…’

‘Which was a great movie by the way!’ Isak interrupted.

Even turned to look at him to see if he was being sarcastic but Isak seemed to have given a genuine compliment.

‘Thanks. Yeah, I was happy with it… as happy as you can really be, I guess.’ Even mumbled.

They drove in silence for a bit when Isak turned to Even.

‘Has your wife been in some other movies in recent years?’ he asked. ’Sorry, I don’t really follow the movies… especially the Norwegian ones.’ he said apologetically, cringing his face a bit.

‘No, she is contracted to the National Theater. It’s what she’s always preferred; she’s really a stage actor.’

All this talk about Monika made Even feel deflated somehow and he stared out of the window. What had he been thinking leaving his own car behind like this? What had he thought he’d achieve by getting a lift from Isak? This was ridiculous.

Isak seemed to notice that he’d gone quiet and coughed a bit.

‘Have you heard about the plans Jonas has for the music he’s helping to put together for the wedding?’ Isak asked.

‘No. But that should be good!’ Even perked up a bit.

‘Well, Magnus and Mari have booked an actual DJ, somebody used to doing weddings. Which is probably a good idea as there will be grannies too... You know, to have someone who can cater to a lot of tastes. But the guys want to put together a little session. Rap and dance music and hits from our time in Nissen. And his university years.’ Isak smiled.

‘Oh, I already have a few embarrassing ones in mind they should add!’ Even smirked.

***

It was dark when they arrived at the cabin. Even though a cabin was really quite an understatement; in front of them was a huge, modern log house.

In the end it had been nice to drive with Isak and it felt like they had talked through every safe topic from their past. Neither of them had touched on the subject of whatever feelings they might have had for each other and the issue had, admittedly, started to feel a bit like an elephant in the room.

When they entered the house, they saw a lot of guys sprawled on the sofas and chairs in the living room while others seemed to be busy in the adjoining kitchen. The ceiling of the living space was high and so was the window giving out to the back of the building. It did, in fact, cover the entire back wall. The view was sure to be great when there’d light but right now it was a wall of black. The fire was on in the fireplace and even though Even didn’t know most of the guys, he felt excited to join them and start the festivities.

Magnus was sitting on the sofa amongst the guys, like a king, and upon seeing Even and Isak he jumped up and came over with a glass wine in his hand.

‘You guys! I can’t believe this place!’ he said excitedly. ‘I can’t believe you did this!’

Isak and Even chuckled. 

‘You really had no idea at all?’ Even had to ask.

‘Nope! Well done for keeping the secret! Even my boss was in on it when they picked me up from work. I just can’t believe that Mari pulled it off too. She usually can’t hold her tongue to save her life!’

Even threw an arm around his friend’s shoulder, pleased that Magnus was so happy with the surprise. And he had to agree about this place; it was impressive.

‘Only the best for you, my friend.’ Even smiled at the beaming Magnus.

Magnus turned to point at the bags. ‘You should take your stuff upstairs.’ Then he smirked a bit. ‘You know what, I’ll come and show you the bedrooms.’

Even started to realise that something was up when he saw Jonas smiling widely at them too but he followed Magnus upstairs obediently.

‘As you probably heard most of the beds in the house are single beds.’ Magnus turned towards them at a door of a bedroom. Then he pushed it open. ’But, as it turns out, the only one left is the double bed. Sorry guys!’ 

Magnus laughed good-humoredly and patted their shoulders. ‘See you downstairs!’

It was a reminder that the guys had been witnesses to their little romance as well and that made Even and Isak both smile awkwardly.

They entered the room and looked around. Even opened his bag and put his phone to charge.

‘So.’ Isak said a little amused, looking around a bit before his eyes stayed on the bed. ‘You okay with this?’ he asked, scratching his neck.

‘Sure! I mean, really, it’s totally… very fine!’ Even replied hurriedly, trying too hard.

He looked at Isak and bit his lip.

‘I guess they remember then!’ he said, unable to stop a big smile spreading on his face.

‘Yep!’ Isak said grinning back just as widely. 

A laughter escaped them both and the tension was somewhat resolved by that.

‘Let’s go get drunk!’ Isak suggested nodding towards the door.

***

Getting drunk in this day and age wasn’t exactly like getting drunk in high school. Nobody got way too drunk, threw up, fell over or ended up snogging each other in the dark corners. The partying was quite civilized indeed.

The actual space to hang out was downstairs from the living room and that’s where everyone headed after a pretty excellent steak dinner and some well-chosen red wine. The chef cousin was clearly pleased with the reviews and Even promised to help in the kitchen the next night. Feeding the whole group was no small effort and he felt like he was slacking off. 

The bottom floor was furnished somewhat like an upscale man cave. It had a bar, white couches, a snooker table and a fancy sauna with one wall of windows giving out, yet again, to the darkness. The house had been built on a slope and large windows gave out to the terrace where there was a jacuzzi. It was the kind that looked like a huge oak barrel and was, a little scarily, heated by a separate fire place attached to the side of it. 

Some of the men started a game of snooker while others hung out on the large couches by a yet another fireplace. Most of them, though, hit the sauna and the jaguzzi. They were just group of guys so there was no need for swimming trunks and that’s how Even and Isak found themselves naked next to each other in a hot sauna. 

The sauna had a woody smell to it, as if it was brand new, and had little dimmed spot lights in the ceiling. It was the most beautiful sauna Even had seen. The benches were artfully curved and even the stones of the sauna stove were white. The relaxing atmosphere was kind of spoiled though by the music blasting through the sound system. Because of course there would be one in a sauna like this. 

Even supported his elbows on his knees and let the steam and heat relax his muscles. He tried to continue breathing evenly even when the heat surged every time someone threw more water on the rocks.

‘Fuck, it’s been a while since I went to sauna.’ he breathed out.

Isak was in a similar position and just nodded. 

‘Seriously, whoever thinks a sauna is an erotic place is not from around here.’ Even added earning approving grunts from the others. Everybody concentrated on just managing to breathe.

The guys were leaving one by one to cool off on the terrace.

‘I actually had a sauna built by my cabin last summer.’ Isak said when they were the only ones left.

‘You have your own cabin?’ Even turned to look at him.

‘Yeah, it’s a bit far and pretty simple but it’s mine.’ Isak said proudly. ’You should visit some time.’ he said right before his eyes widened, looking a little shocked at what he had said. He quickly turned his eyes back towards the floor.

‘Yeah, that’d be great.’ Even answered softly, not wanting him to feel awkward. And also because visiting Isak’s cabin definitely felt like something he would want to do. 

***

In the end the combination of a great meal, wine and sauna relaxed Even a bit too much and he felt ready for bed. He knew many others would follow soon; he could see the yawns and tired faces. It had been a long working week and tomorrow’s hiking felt like a factor one shouldn’t ignore. 

He arrived in their room first and was already in bed when Isak came in, cheeks rosy and only wearing his underwear, t-shirt and a towel loosely around his hips.

‘It’s too hot everywhere! The sauna and all these fireplaces make these rooms boiling hot!’ Isak complained. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to sleep without my t-shirt.

Even agreed. He still had his shirt on but could already feel it sticking to his skin. He pulled it off in one go and laid down again.

Isak pulled his shirt off too and even though Even had just been in a sauna with him, he felt like he saw Isak’s body for the first time. All he could think was that Isak was beautiful. Isak clearly did sports and had many more defined muscles than him. The smooth expanse of his chest made Even feel a little uneasy and when his eyes lowered to Isak’s strong thighs he had to look away.

He turned his head to stare at the ceiling when Isak climbed into bed and slipped under his own blanket. Isak adjusted himself on his back too, eyes looking up, and then it went quiet. It was the kind of quietness that made Even feel both comfortable and hyper-aware of everything around them.

He suddenly wondered why their past had become some kind of an issue between them. It had really been just one evening, long ago in their youth. Why hadn’t they been able to just laugh it off? 

Isak interrupted his thoughts. ‘Even?’ 

‘Yeah?’ Even replied. Maybe he would find it out right now.

‘You remember too?’

‘Of course.’ Even simply said.

Then it was quiet again, for a moment.

‘You know, you were the first boy I fell for. Pretty hard.’ Isak said.

Even turned to look at him. ‘I fell for you too.’

Isak turned his body towards him.

‘It was a shame then. That you went to London.’ Isak said.

‘Yeah.’

It felt like a confession of something but Even wasn’t quite sure of what. 

The room was dark and just a little light came through the window.

‘You were the first boy I kissed.’ Even smiled.

‘The first?’ Isak asked with a little teasing smile. ‘How many have there been?’

‘Really? You want a number?’ Even lifted his eyebrows. ‘Quite a few, you know. I was hot stuff in London.’

‘Hot stuff?’ Isak said laughing. ‘Who in the world talks like that? Your granddad?’

They stayed like that, looking and smiling at each other. There seemed to be an understanding between them, like a gate that had opened and allowed them to look in.

‘I really didn’t expect us to get along this well again.’ Isak noted. ‘I mean, it’s almost as if we just picked it up from where we left it.’

Now that was a confession of something more. Wasn't it?

Even opened his mouth but then closed it again. His fingers felt itchy and something was rising up in his chest.

‘Maybe I do feel a bit like back then.’ Even said, deliberately.

From the way Isak’s eyes first went a bit wider and then darker he knew the message had been received.

The quiet wrapped them in its arms again.

‘We should sleep.’ Isak whispered.

‘Yes.’ Even whispered back.

Falling asleep didn’t take long for either of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone! I truly appreciate every single comment I receive! I haven't had the time to reply to you individually but I'll try to be better in the future! It's just that this whole 'writing on a schedule' thing keeps me pretty busy. :)

Even woke up to the sound of his phone. ‘Marte baby’ flashed on his screen.

‘Hey.’ Even mumbled into his phone.

‘Pappa! Are you awake?’ his oldest daughter asked brightly.

‘Hmmmph’ Even confirmed.

‘Mamma said I can’t download the new game into my phone! Pappa, everyone has it! Like all of my friends!’

‘Marte, it’s too early. I’m still sleeping. Talk to your mamma.’ Even tried to keep his voice low.

‘But she said I should talk to you!’ Marte said frustrated.

Even said a few swearwords under his breath, while trying to sit up on the bed.

‘Pappa, I can hear you! You said a bad word!’ Marte shouted excitedly. ‘You owe me 10 kroner!’

‘OK, Marte, you’re right. But really, I was sleeping. We’ve got to talk about this later.’

‘But it IS later, pappa! We’ve already had breakfast!’ Marte explained.

‘Honey, I’ll call you back in just a little bit, okay? Okay?’ Even asked, running a hand over his face.

After Marte finally agreed to hang up, Even sighed and put his phone on silence. He really should have done that the night before if he wanted to sleep long in the morning.

Incredibly, it looked like his conversation with Marte hadn’t woken up Isak. He looked at Isak’s face on the pillow next to his own and saw that he was still out of it. He had drooled a little on the pillow and the stubble covering his face was clearly visible in the bright light of the morning. 

It was odd for Even to wake up to next to a man, to be honest. It had been a while. And actually, he hadn’t done it often anyway. Isak had thrown a leg over his blanket. A pretty hairy leg too. Even looked at him with a little smile on his face until he suddenly saw the tip of Isak’s dick peeking out from his underwear. He turned his eyes and giggled silently, like a kid. He threw his own blanket to cover Isak a bit and decided to get up. There was no sleep to be had here anymore anyway.

Even walked downstairs quietly and realized he was the first one awake. Apparently, nobody else had an overenthusiastic daughter who was addicted to smartphone games.

The view from the large windows was indeed beautiful. It was primarily of the forest and the valley below but the sea was just visible in the distance too. The day was gloomy and the weather looked miserable but Even was feeling great; he wasn’t bothered in the least by some rain. He found a coffee maker and coffee and decided to make a big pot. There’d be takers for it soon enough.

Even had always loved mornings, ever since the incessant need to sleep all day long as a teenager had finally ceased. In his twenties he had, to his shock, realized that he was actually a morning person, excluding depressive periods that was. He silently thanked his lucky stars again that his mental state was as stable as it was. 

He sat by the table in front of the large window with his cup of coffee and looked out. His thoughts drifted back to Isak. He wondered how it was possible that their meeting in high school had somehow been so memorable when most other hook ups would never cause waves later on in life again.

Maybe it was because there had never been a real closure. Because it had remained such a wasted opportunity; a chance he had just let slide away. 

He couldn’t remember when he’d actually met Isak for the first time. Isak had just slipped in, like the rest of them, once he’d gotten to know Jonas. But he did remember the evening when he’d actually seen him for the first time. 

Nothing special had happened that night. They had sat on the sofa next to each other at a party and talked, more than usually. He remembered having laughed a lot. When Isak had gotten up to leave with Jonas, Even had looked at him and suddenly wished he wouldn’t go. That had been the moment. It sounded dramatic but really wasn’t at all. The rest of the party -and Even himself- had gone on just the same as before.

After that, the parties had increasingly started to revolve around Isak, even if he wasn’t in them. Whenever Even went to a party, he’d check if Isak was there. When someone rang the doorbell, he’d lift his head hoping it’d be Isak at the door. He’d call Jonas -or Isak himself- and invite them to parties, seemingly nonchalant. He felt like his focus had just subtly shifted and was sure nobody noticed a thing.

The thing is, Isak wasn’t out then. And neither was Even. His long-term girlfriend had kept him safely in the straight category and even though Even had realised long ago that he was attracted to girls and boys alike, he’d never actually had a chance to act on his attraction to another boy. Nor had he ever really wanted to.

Even had been pretty unhinged then; he’d drank and smoked too much and the partying had gotten heavier and heavier. The memories for the large part were wrapped in a fog. Sometimes he felt like he’d been following Isak around like a puppy and other times like it had been Isak’s eyes following him.

But the order of things had felt unchangeable and he had felt like time was running out. Like it did, in the end. The russ parties were everywhere and Sonja accompanied him to those often. Sonja had been a great asset; a great-looking, fun-loving and sociable girlfriend. There was literally nowhere he couldn’t take her without people liking her. They were a pretty golden couple.

Isak had felt… like a secret he couldn’t quite place. He hadn’t seen a way to bridge that gap, a way to make that happen. It had felt like an unknown territory. 

Until that one weekend in May.

The drinking had started at noon. By this time the russ had been partying for weeks. Even’s head had felt fussy but his energy levels were high. He’d had his red pants on and had jumped into the partying head first. 

Isak joining their group early on that day had made Even just plain happy. He’d spent most of the day with his hand on Isak’s shoulder or his waist or just generally touching him in any way he could. Sonja hadn’t been around and they’d only made loose plans to meet up later.

He couldn’t remember whose home it was but it’d already been evening by the time they had arrived. He and Isak had talked and laughed and smoked on someone’s bed in a beautiful Oslo apartment, drunk and high off their asses. The music had blasted in the living room and there probably had been a lot of people around. Nobody had bothered them though. 

He remembered that he had tickled Isak, tousled his hair, pushed him around playfully. Isak had looked as happy as he had felt. And then they had stopped laughing and looked at each other -and Even had just surged forward, with little coordination. 

The kissing had been like a wave that had kept going higher and higher; it had started a bit insecure and grown messy and eager. All the unspoken want and curiosity seemed to burst out and their hands were, if not exactly sure what they were doing, at least decisive in wanting to get closer. 

Even had wanted to touch Isak everywhere at the same time: his hair, face, chest, ass. Isak had been equally impatient and his hands against Even’s skin had felt like live wire. To have that, to be allowed to touch, had been almost unreal. Even had wanted to take in everything about him; his smell, the little whimpering sounds he made, how he tasted. Even had been incredibly turned on.

Even had gotten his hand in Isak’s pants while whispering to him all the things he’d wanted to say. He’d told him how he’d dreamed of him, how Isak made him crazy, how he had the sexiest smile, how his dick felt so good in his hand. Even’s other hand had jerked Isak off and other had been in his hair, his own hard on pressing against Isak’s thigh. Isak had looked back at him with his mouth open, making little sounds, eyes a little watery.

Isak had come looking both vulnerable and in awe -and it had been the sexiest thing Even had ever seen.

Yeah. Even put his coffee cup down on the table. It had been a hook up. But for the both of them it had arguably been something else too, full of firsts and feelings.

Jonas had been the one to rush into the room to announce that Sonja and her friends had arrived. Even had barely been able to take in the news but Jonas’ attention had been on Isak and getting him out of the room.

It turned out that Jonas knew. 

From the one short and awkward conversation Even and Jonas had a few days later when the hungover had already been replaced by a new one, he had learned that Jonas had known for a while. Even never got to know how he had found out about Isak in the first place; Jonas hadn’t offered the information. But Jonas had seen the crush developing. After all, he’d been there with them all along. Magnus and Mahdi had eventually gotten the memo too when Jonas had guarded the door of the room that night and had refused to let anyone in.

Nothing really changed after that though. He had made some efforts to see Isak but there were always people. There was always Sonja. There were now the graduation parties, travel planning and extra shifts working in a restaurant as a waiter to save money for the trip. It had felt like a train ride he couldn’t get off. And it had been impossible to concentrate anyway.

It had even taken him time to recognise that he was heartbroken over Isak. During the trip with Sonja and the others, Even had fluctuated between being moody and intolerable and wanting to fix things and have sex with Sonja all the time. 

In the end he had told her that he’d cheated on her, just to make it all stop. They had broken up on the spot; it had clearly been the last straw for Sonja, just as he had known it would be. Even had returned back to Oslo to find almost nobody there to spend time with and he’d crashed into a depressive episode like diving into a deep, dark lake. It had taken him most of the summer to re-surface.

In the end a letter informing him that he’d gotten a cancellation place in a film school in London had made a decision about his future for him. He and his mum had flown to London to find him a place to live in. He had stayed for eight years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little short but here we go!

Even’s muscles were sore and aching from the hiking and some ill-advised rock climbing he’d attempted to do. He was lying on a bench in a dimmed sauna with nobody disturbing the peace by constantly throwing water on the rocks or blasting some god-awful music through the sound system.

Isak was mirroring him on the opposite bench, his eyes closed. If Even would have the energy to care about anything right now, he’d probably wonder about the ease they felt with each other. It was as if by some unspoken agreement they had spent the day doing everything together. Even Jonas might have stared at them a few times, looking like he was wondering about the same thing. Even might be wrong though; he didn’t really believe Jonas would care that much about what his two grown-up friends were up to.

‘I think I’ll head to bed’ Isak said sitting up, looking dazed.

‘Yeah, me too, actually.’ Even replied without moving. ‘In a minute.’

Isak laughed a bit. ‘Don’t take it too easy, old man. You might not be able to get up soon.’

‘Fuck you’ Even said back with no bite, closing his eyes.

Isak chuckled and headed to the shower. Even knew he shouldn’t look. He knew that this was yet another step too far, that he was pushing on the very boundaries he’d set himself a long time ago. Boundaries that he'd held onto proudly. But it seemed like there was little left of his usual, married self in here. 

All he had to do was to turn his head and look through the glass door. Isak was standing right there in the shower, with his back to him running his fingers through his hair. He let his arms fall to his sides and then turned his head to look at Even. 

Even was too tired to pretend that he hadn’t been staring and Isak just stood there looking back over his shoulder. His face was open and honest, there was no question or surprise on it, no anger or heat. Isak turned to reach for the soap and Even looked back up at the little spotlights in the ceiling which looked like stars. 

He wished time would stop now, take a snapshot of this odd domesticity between two naked men and transport them into another place, a place where they’d be the main characters, the ones who could look and wouldn’t have to steal glances.

***

This time it was Isak lying in bed when Even came in. Most of the guys were still up and playing snooker and cards, drinking whisky and smoking cigars. It had been the most masculine scene of this stag do. Even had headed to bed.

After brushing his teeth, he walked in darkness over to the bed with his belly in knots. Isak had no shirt on and he was lying on his side with his back towards Even, clearly still awake. Even lowered himself on the bed and turned on his side, supporting his upper body by his arm. Isak’s skin was right there, so close, and his breathing was too hard to be natural. 

There was nothing comforting about this quiet. Even could almost hear a low electric current humming just under the surface. Or maybe it was in his ears.

Even couldn’t quite believe how willingly he seemed to be letting go of his identity, of the man he’d been for the longest time while building a home and a marriage. He’d always been proud of his relationship, of how easy was for him to be loyal. He had barely been tempted in all this time. But now it was like he had no strength in him at all to choose what was right and to not throw away 12 years of fidelity.

He reached out and touched Isak’s back, with his fingertips. He let his fingers rest on Isak’s skin for a moment before letting his hand fall on the bed. He leaned closer to rest his forehead against Isak’s back. They didn’t move. Even turned away from Isak, on his back. And then onto his other side. But it was still too close.

He heard Isak turning around and felt him pushing his body pushing gently against Even’s.

‘Maybe you can’t’ Isak whispered into Even’s ear. ‘But I can.’

He turned Even’s face towards him and kissed him. It was a possessive, hungry kiss and Even responded with all he had. His mind went blank and there was nothing left to think about anymore.

***

There was no way to describe what Even felt when he woke up the next morning. There was a real, living man snoring against his back and the sheen of dried sweat on his skin. The surge of horror and desire and a hundred questions pinned him down, leaving him only able to blink his eyes.

Had they been loud? Had someone heard? What would he say if Monika called? What if Marte called? How could he go home this afternoon? What if Monika wanted to have sex tonight? How could this be hidden? How could this be buried, like it never happened? How could this be undone? What had he done?

What had he done?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can safely say there will be no new chapter tomorrow; I've been taken down by an illness. However, here is this, people. The story is moving on! Next chapters will be longer too. :)

Isak opened his eyes slowly and took in the naked back in front of him. His legs were touching Even’s under the blanket and he could smell the sweat and the morning skin of his body. He moved a little to look around, but not too much to lose the body contact, and saw that he had rolled onto Even’s side of the bed.

Even was clearly awake. Isak pushed his face into Even’s neck, carefully wrapped his arm around his chest and silently willed Even to stay. Was he allowed to do this? He didn’t really know but a vivid memory of the heavy breathing and messy kissing from last night did pass through his mind as if that was his permission.

‘Hey’ he said, testing the waters.

Even cleared his throat. ‘Morning’.

‘How are you?’ Isak lifted himself up a bit to see his face.

Even turned to look at him but said nothing at first. He shook his head just a bit.

‘I don’t know’ 

At least it was honest. If it happened to be also a little heartbreaking, well then, so be it.

Even smiled a little, probably not wanting to be too much of a dick. ‘I should take a shower’

‘Yeah, sure. You go first.’ Isak tried to sound more cheerful than he was. 

When Even was in the shower, Isak sat on the edge of the bed feeling the world away from Even and this weekend already. They hadn’t even left this place yet and already all this seemed to have been just a little dream, a quick break from reality. The anger rose within him seemingly out of nowhere. A married man, Isak, a married fucking man! What the fuck is wrong with you? Enjoying having a little adventure with someone who is repulsed by you -and likely, themselves- by the next morning? 

To escape the wave of disgust he felt for himself, Isak pulled on a sweater and a pair of jeans and angrily stomped out of the room. Downstairs the news channel was on and Magnus, Mahdi and a few other guys were sitting around drinking coffee. Or as in Mahdi’s case, some sort of smoothie. Or perhaps a protein shake? 

‘Isak, my man!’ Mahdi exclaimed, in his sports gear, looking like he was ready to go compete in a triathlon when he had, in fact, just returned from his morning run.

‘Mahdi, what the hell are you doing? We hiked the whole fucking day yesterday’ Isak complained pouring himself a cup of coffee.

‘Just a little HIIT to keep up with my training schedule.’ Mahdi smiled widely. ‘Seriously though, doc, shouldn’t you be encouraging people to exercise?’

‘I’m encouraging you to shut up.’ Isak shot back, smiling. He felt a bit better already by just seeing his friends.

‘Isak, come here! Look at this!’ Magnus showed him his phone. ‘I took Isabella climbing in this indoor climbing arena the other week. Just look at her! She climbed all the way to the top!’

Yes, it was indeed Magnus’ blond, pretty daughter in the photo, still looking like Vilde. Which, of course, was funny considering her mum’s name is Agnes. Isak scolded himself a little for still paying attention to this little fact. It was just that until Mari, and after Vilde, Magnus had seemed to have had a bit of a type there for a few years. Or maybe it hadn’t been as much of a type as it had been an echo. An echo of Vilde. There had been many smiley, wholesome blond girls Magnus had dated, or hooked up with, in the years after the breakup, until he’d gotten one of them pregnant. 

It had been a bit funny at times to think about it; the forgotten condom and accidental pregnancy at thirty years of age. Agnes and Magnus had dutifully tried to date a bit too to see if they could make it work but by the time the twins were born, they had already agreed on being friends and raising the kids together. Which to Isak had sometimes looked like the best case scenario; separate homes and no marriage to try to maintain amidst the chaos of parenting twin babies.

***

The driving back was significantly easier now that it was daylight. Even looked somber and serious but otherwise seemed to have recovered from his shock. It didn’t make Isak feel any better though. They chatted lightly during the trip and then became more and more silent the closer they got to Oslo. Isak wanted to say something, anything at all, about them, this weekend, last night, but had no idea what.

In the end he blurted out. ‘Even, I hope you’re okay with what happened.’ Yes, it was definitely the wrong thing to say. Isak regretted it instantly.

Even turned to look at him a little stunned. ‘No, I can’t really say I’m okay with what happened.’

Logically, Isak knew that this wasn’t about him, that it didn’t mean they hadn’t shared something meaningful. But it still hurt like acid burning in his chest. Why had he brought it up? What else had he expected to hear?

‘Are you angry at me?’ Isak had to ask, while they turned the corner to Even’s street. Time was running out and he needed to know.

Even looked at him a bit annoyed before his expression mellowed and he just looked defeated. ‘No. I'm my own person, I can make my own mistakes.’ His eyes widened just a bit. ‘I mean decisions. My own decisions.’

And with that Isak had heard just about enough. He pulled the car to a stop in front of Even’s house. ‘Well, this is where I’ll leave you and your mistakes.’ he said brashly, looking straight ahead.

He knew he was acting like a child but there were only so many times he wanted to hear Even say that to his face.

‘Look’ Even said, voice softer. ‘Can I just call you one day to talk about this, okay?’

Isak turned to look at him. ‘Sure.’ he said, a little sadly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not fully recovered but I managed to keep going. :)
> 
> Again, thanks for your messages!!
> 
> For a moment there was a problem with chapter 8, but that's fixed now!

It took Even two weeks. Two weeks of watching his life go on around him as usual. 

He felt like he was on the other side of a window, looking in at himself and his life. He looked at his beautiful, modern apartment. It didn’t really reflect his tastes much; Monika had had a stylish, modern vision which she had wanted to accomplish. But it was, nevertheless, his home, familiar and safe. 

He looked at the kids and followed their endless cycle of bickering, playing, arguing and laughing. He saw himself cooking meals, sitting on the sofa choosing a TV series to watch and complaining about being tired when Monika wanted to have sex. It’s not like Monika had minded much but she had asked if he was getting sick; he didn’t usually turn down the rare propositions for sex from his wife.

He had laughed and chatted with people, taken the kids to their hobbies and had dinner with Monika and some friends of theirs at a new restaurant they had wanted to check out. He had attended his father-in-law’s birthday party. 

He marveled at how smooth he was in acting out his life; he knew all the right lines. The guilt felt like a bag of rocks on his shoulders, but nobody seemed to notice.

The only place he really felt like himself was at work. And perhaps when he sat silently in his parked car, on his way home. For a few moments then he’d let himself really think about the weekend and Isak. 

Even had started to feel increasingly guilty about how shitty he’d been to Isak. Calling seemed like too much of a commitment though; he didn’t really know what he wanted to say. And truth be told, he wanted to see Isak. He didn’t want to hear the hurt words over the phone and not be able to do anything about it. 

There was something else too. Even knew what they had experienced was rare. Not many times in life you feel such a connection to someone. It felt necessary to acknowledge that, to tell Isak he was special. The wedding would be soon, too, and they’d have to get along well enough to spend the evening in each other’s company. And Monika’s. Even shuddered just thinking about it.

So, two weeks later, on a Monday evening, he left work at the right time and drove to the indoor football arena. He hesitated on the parking lot, feeling a little like a creep, but decided that he didn’t really have anything to lose. He walked in and headed to the upstairs cafeteria from where you could see all the football pitches. It took a while to spot him from the sea of footballers but, eventually, he did. Isak was talking to a few other players with a water bottle in his hand. He looked so young again, Even thought, with a little smile on his face. Even headed back out to the parking lot to wait for him.

It was dark, rainy and windy and Even pulled his jacket tighter around himself. The beautiful autumn colors were long gone and wet, mushy leaves on the shining asphalt were slippery. The light of street lamp was shaking in the wind. Even went through his little plan in his mind. Say you’re sorry, hug him, tell him you want to be his friend, tell him it was special. Tell him there is nobody else in the world like him. Even felt his throat tightening; this felt like a break up. 

Even had to wait 20 minutes by Isak’s car for him to walk out of the door. Isak had clearly just showered and was thumbing through his phone walking towards the car. When he saw Even, his hand fell down and he stopped.

Even just stood there too. He couldn’t read Isak’s reaction. Please come closer, he thought with a hint of desperation.

‘What are you doing here?’ Isak asked, amazed.

Now that is a million dollar question, Even realized. All the reasons he had told himself seemed to disappear into thin air. 

Except for one. ‘I wanted to see you.’ Even said in a small voice.

Isak walked over slowly adjusting the sports bag on his shoulder. He looked good. A sudden wave of desire hit the bottom of Even’s belly. He shook his head a bit to try to rid himself of those thoughts. Why did Isak have such an effect on him?

‘You told me about your football team and that you train on Mondays.’ Even said, cringing a bit. This was sounding just wrong. Even started to sweat a bit under the armpits.

But Isak seemed unfazed and just nodded. ‘You wanted to talk?’

‘Yeah, could we go get a coffee or something?’ Even asked looking around. There were absolutely no good places to go to around here; it was a sports park.

‘Well, I’m in my sports gear.’ Isak said, looking at Even like he was thinking about something. Then he seemed to come to a decision. ‘We could go to my place though and I could change?’

Even nodded. ‘Sure, let’s do that.’ He wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to but he knew he wanted to go.

‘You should leave your car here, the parking in my street is terrible. I’ll bring you back.’

Even just nodded again and, then, there he was again, sitting in Isak’s car. He checked the time and knew that Monika had made dinner by now; he could practically see them sitting around the dining table in their bright, warm home. Aurora would probably refuse to eat most foods on her plate.

Isak and Even didn’t talk much on the way, just little remarks here and there. Even felt like the drive was transporting him back to where they had been two weeks ago, like he was travelling from one reality to another.

Isak lived in an old building. The staircase was beautiful and the old wooden front door clearly the original one. Even had always wanted to live in a house like this.

‘Sorry for the mess.’ Isak warned stepping into the hall and turning the light on. Even closed the door behind him and before he knew what he was doing, he’d taken two big steps and hugged Isak tightly from behind.

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m such a jerk. It was not fair, not fair. I’m sorry’, he babbled into Isak’s hair holding him as tightly as he could.

Isak just stood there, hanging his head low and squeezing Even’s arm. ‘Fuck, I’m so happy you said that’, he whispered.

There was really only one way this could go. Even turned him around by his shoulders, held his face and kissed him. It instantly felt like home to him, more than anything else had in the past two weeks.

‘Where is your bedroom?’ Even asked him.

Isak looked at him questioningly. ‘In the back but…’

‘I just want to hold you. Just to feel you.’

Isak nodded, took Even’s hand and lead him to the dark bedroom.

‘Don’t turn on the lights.’ Even said. 

Isak let out a laugh. ‘You’re a little ridiculous.’

They lied on Isak’s unmade bed, holding each other. Even knew they had many things to talk about but right now all he wanted to do was to listen to the rain hit the window and see Isak there in his arms in the faint light of the street lamp. 

A little hope started to stir in him. Maybe, just maybe, he could find a way through this mess, a way to… be with Isak. 

***

‘Wanna have Indian take away?’ Isak asked Even after a while. 

It might be a good idea to get up from the bed, Even acknowledged. Isak body was warm, all strong and manly, and Even was starting to feel his dick stirring.

‘Sure. But just wait for a moment.’ Even said, climbing to sit on Isak’s thighs. ‘I want to see you like this.’ he said running his hands up and down Isak’s front. 

Isak swallowed, breathing a little heavier.

‘What is it that you do to me?’ Even breathed out. ‘I can’t stop touching you.’

‘That’s good. I don’t want you to.’ Isak smiled pulling Even down for a kiss.

‘But now we have to go get food’, he said against Even’s lips.

Even groaned but got up. Isak’s apartment looked lived in, now that he could see it. There was a worn-out Chesterfield sofa (‘bought from Jonas when he needed a more practical one’), a lot of green plants and hardly any decorative items, photos or paintings. A couple of pricier looking pieces of furniture and then pieces which looked like they had just drifted into his place. It was not a big place; just the bedroom, an endearingly messy joined office and guest bedroom and the living room. Kitchen was small and in need of a renovation. Even loved it all.

Isak scratched his head. ‘Yeah sorry, I wasn’t expecting company, there’s stuff all over the place.’

Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist, feeling happy that he could do that. ‘I don’t care. This is perfect.’

In the end they had Indian food delivered and ate it on the sofa because Isak absolutely needed to check the results of a football game on TV. Even was watching Isak while Isak was watching the screen -and Even realized he had fallen in love. And for this moment, it was the only feeling that fit inside of him. He took Isak by the chin and planted a big, curry-tasting kiss on his lips. 

‘You’ he said. 

‘You’ Isak replied, smiling back a little amused. 

It was horrible and fascinating for Even to realize that he didn’t feel as bad this time when he went home late that night. It was as if cheating for the first time was the worst bit - and then the next times, well, it got easier. Monika had accepted his explanation of having to work late and was getting ready to go to bed when Even got back home. Even went to brush his teeth and stalled in the bathroom long enough for her to have turned off the light.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter! Now the actual 9th! :) Sorry for the mess with the chapters!
> 
> I know I could avoid some of the mistakes by posting at a slower pace but I wanted to do this fast, for three reasons: 
> 
> First, I wanted to give myself a bit of a writing challenge, in English, and this was the perfect way to do it.
> 
> Second, I have the attention span of a... of a... well, it's very short! So, I need to write every day to make sure I stay invested in the story; doing this slowly wouldn't work for me.
> 
> Third, soon I'll have another project to take up my time so I have a deadline.
> 
> I'll be posting every two or three days now because I'm going on a holiday! Unless, of course, I just can't stop. :D

'Can I come over tonight? I really need to see you.’ Even whispered into his phone, trying to keep the conversation private from his colleagues.

‘What time though? I won’t be at home before seven.’ Isak sounded busy.

‘I’ll come at seven then. I can only stay for an hour though. Maybe an hour and a half’, Even said, apologetically

Isak groaned and then sighed. ‘Yeah, sure. I just want to see you too.’

By seven Even was at his door. As soon as he got in, his hands were on Isak.

‘God, I missed you so bad. Three fucking days.’ Even said in between kissing Isak and pulling off his own clothes. Isak was equally busy; he’d managed to get his pants off and was working on his shirt buttons.

‘I know. We need to start meeting at lunch hour in my car or something’, Isak breathed out before biting Even’s lower lip.

Even laughed and pushed him towards the bedroom.

‘Wouldn’t that be a cliché.’

Isak stopped to look at him for a second and raised his eyebrows. ‘Even, all of this is a cliché.’

Even didn’t want to think about it. There were many things he hadn’t preferred to think about in the past weeks; it was the only way to get through this existence. 

This had been the pattern of their time together; them cramming secret meetings into their weekdays (the weekends were impossible for Even). Even’s cover stories included late nights at work, drinks with colleagues, a round of tennis with Magnus (okay, Even felt particularly bad about that one). Their time together had been a whirlwind of want and affection, sex and the exhilaration of falling in love. And the rest of the time, guilt and shame and anger, at himself. 

But it felt impossible to stop; seeing Isak, touching him, was the only relief of the cycle of self-loathing, just as much as it was the reason for it. 

And every time he saw Isak and got to kiss him again, he thought, what was one more time when he had already done the worst?

The guilt was crushing, at times, and sometimes made him feel like he couldn’t breathe. The real problem, the one that made his own actions so hard for Even to comprehend, was that he had always thought of himself as a man of character. Someone who was compassionate and good; someone who wouldn’t purposefully hurt the ones closest to him. Someone who knew what a commitment meant.

The realization had dawned on him, slowly, like it had been drip-fed, that he was, underneath it all, no better than anybody else, no better than anybody who cheated. That he was just as capable of doing awful things as the next person. 

It was a hard pill to swallow.

So, Even had decided to do better. After all, there had to be a way to fix this; to amend for his sins. To one day feel good and proud of himself again. He was determined that he would find a way through this. He just needed… he just needed Isak, had to have him close to him. It was like he was addicted and had to get his fix.

***

‘Come on, baby, this is us, not some fucking cliché.’ Even said kissing Isak’s neck hungrily before pushing him onto the bed and climbing on top of him.

Isak let out a dry little laugh while letting Even pin his hands on the bed above his head. ‘Says the married man, in a straight relationship, having a secret affair with a gay guy. Very original.’

Even looked at him, surprised. ‘This is not an affair.’

Isak looked back at him, raising his eyebrows. ‘Really now, Even, what is this if not an affair?’

Even straightened his back and looked at Isak seriously. 

‘A love story’

Isak went serious too and pulled his hands down. ‘Even…’ he sighed and closed his eyes for a second. ‘You’re married. Stop saying shit like that. It’s fucking bullshit.’ Isak paused. ‘Actually, this whole thing is bullshit, really.’

They looked at each other for a moment until Even climbed off him and went to lie down next to him supporting his upper body by his arm.

‘You don’t get it, do you?’ Even asked, not expecting an answer. ‘I love you.’ 

Isak looked back at him, with a blank face. Even realised then that he had said it before but Isak hadn’t reacted that time either. Even himself had probably been too deep in the throes of passion and feelings to even notice at the time.

‘I have fallen in love with you, just like I did when we were young.’ Even tried again and reached to touch Isak’s cheek and to push his hand through his hair.

‘That was a long time ago. I think this boat sailed and now we are just mindlessly trying to get some of it back.’ Isak said looking both sad and defiant. ’It’s too hard. Wrong. Too fucking late in the day.’

Even looked at him speechless for a second.

‘I can’t believe you’d say that. It’s not too late for anything yet. It’s just… it’s just the midday. Or maybe the afternoon.’

Isak smiled sadly. ‘The afternoon? Poetic. Well, I just feel like it’s the evening already. Some things are set in stone by now and a lot of doors have already closed.’

‘No. It’s not true. Look at me, Isak!’ Even said searching for his eyes again. He took Isak by the chin. ‘It’s just the afternoon, okay? You hear me? It’s a sunny, fucking Sunday afternoon. And I want to spend it with you. With you.’

Isak frowned. ‘What? You mean… What?’

‘I want to be with you. Only with you. If you’ll have me.’ Even said as convincingly as he could. Isak had to believe him this time.

‘But… So… You would divorce your wife?’ Isak asked, astonished.

‘Yes, I want to divorce my wife.’ As soon as Even said it, he knew it to be absolutely true.

Isak sat up on the bed and Even followed.

‘And how about your kids? Your home?’ Isak asked, still shocked.

‘Well, I wouldn’t be divorcing my kids.’ Even smiled, even if a little sadly. ‘We’re kind of a package deal. Four at the price of one.’

Isak just stared at him and Even’s face went back to serious too.

‘Listen, my marriage is over, that much is clear. If you’ll have me and my group of monkeys, we are all yours. To keep.’

‘Even, we’ve known each other for a few weeks’ Isak said.

‘Now, that is not true and you know it. And we don’t have to get married. Straight away.’ Even smiled a bit, winking. He took Isak’s hand. ‘I’ll get my own place. All I’m asking is that you, please, if you want to, please, date me. Please.’

‘Is this all happening now because I didn’t say I love you too?’ Isak asked with a little smile twitching his mouth. 

‘Absolutely. I just needed to get a reaction out of you.’ Even smiled back.

And, finally, Isak smiled properly too. ‘Well, fucking hell.’ He paused. ‘Okay then, I’ll fucking date you.’

‘You’ve got to watch your language around the kids though.’ Even said. ’The only time you should say fuck, in the future, is with me as in “Please fuck me, Even”. Okay?’

That got Isak to laugh. He pulled Even on top of him on the bed. ‘I fucking love you too and can you please fuck me, one day soon?’

‘One day soon? As in not now?’ Even said covering Isak’s body possessively with his own. ‘Because I want to be inside of you’ he whispered into Isak’s ear, biting it. ‘And you can be inside of me too.’

‘We won’t leave the bed for weeks.’ Isak promised. ‘But first, let’s do what needs to be done. What do we do now?’

‘We suck each other off.’ Even said with a smirk, already heading down Isak’s body.

‘Even, I was being seriou… oohkay…’

*** 

Afterwards, content from their orgasms and with their breathing still calming down, Even felt already much lighter. The relief of having made the decision made him feel almost ecstatic. This was the right direction, he could still clean up this whole murky mess. He could make it right.

‘Aren’t you supposed to leave soon?’ Isak asked checking the time from his phone.

‘Yes.’ Even replied staring at the ceiling. ‘I just need a second to think about what I’ll say to Monika.’

He turned to look at Isak.

‘I’ll tell her tonight that I want a divorce.’

Isak swallowed and nodded.

‘Can I come here for the night if she wants me to leave straight away?’ Even asked.

‘Of course.’

They kept looking at each other and their hands found each other.

‘It can be rough.’ Even said.

Isak nodded.

‘It can take time.’

Isak nodded again.

‘There will be tears.’

Isak sighed. ‘Come on, Even, I know that. I’ve done that too.’

‘What, you mean you’ve had a divorce?’ 

‘Yes.’

Even got up to lean on his elbows.

‘You’ve been married?’ he asked amazed.

‘Yep!’ Isak said.

Even stared at him for a bit. ‘Fuck, it really is true that we don’t know much about each other!’

‘Well, maybe we just know the essential part?’ Isak suggested.

‘Was it Anders? Were you married to him?’

‘Yes, I was.’ Isak sighed. ‘He’s this badass human rights lawyer and had a chance to go work in Canada. We thought it’d be easier to arrange me moving there with him if we got married.’

Isak’s mouth went tight.

‘Turns out it was just a piece of paper for him. I was only ever the hot boyfriend to him; that’s what he called me too. He even preferred not to tell people we were married.’

Even felt an irrational jealousy towards this man who’d already had the chance to be with Isak, to be married to him. Which led him to wonder, briefly, what Isak felt about his wife.

‘We moved back to Norway after a few years. When he got a job offer in Brussels, he thought it’d be too complicated for me to try to find work there as a doctor as I don’t speak the language. So, he left me. He just didn’t want to be with me enough to face any obstacles. I think I was just not hot enough, or young enough, for him anymore.’ Isak said bitterly.

‘Or maybe I just feel that way now, I don’t know.' he continued, sounding defeated. 'Now that I know that his new, Norwegian, boyfriend is 26 years old.’ 

Even was quiet for a long time. Then he cleared his throat.

‘I hope you know that, while I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before and while I can’t imagine ever getting enough of you, I’m actually in love with you. I’m not doing this for your hot body.’

Isak looked at him with a hint of wetness in his eyes and shook his head a bit.

‘I just can’t believe you’d go through all that. That you'd choose me.'

‘Fuck, baby.’ Even felt like his heart had fallen to the bottom of his belly. ’I don’t care how hard it’ll be or what will happen; I want to be with you. You’ve got to believe me.’

‘But there’s so much that ties you together. The kids. Your families, your home. Even your jobs. Where do I fit in? Everyone will hate me.’ Isak stated.

‘Hey, besides the kids, that’s all just a bonus. None of that works or matters if me and Monika aren’t happy together.’ Even took his hand and held it tightly.

Isak just nodded and Even could only hope he’d believed him.

***

Even already felt emotionally drained when he pulled his jacket on to go home.

‘I’ll walk with you. Have to stop by at a supermarket.’ Isak said putting on his shoes.

They walked slowly to Even’s car which he had managed to park just a block away.

‘You might not hear from me. I’ll be in touch when I can.’ Even said taking Isak’s hand.

Isak looked at their hands.

‘Don’t you think you should be a bit careful? What if someone sees us?’ Isak said, glancing around.

‘Right now, to be honest, I don’t care’ Even said. He turned towards Isak and kissed him on the lips long and deep.

‘You know, I think there’s a man on the other side of the street staring at us.’ Isak said pulling away from Even.

Even laughed. ‘Hey, don’t worry. Nobody actually ever recognizes me. Just think that next time we see each other, it’ll all be different already.’

He gave Isak one last kiss.

‘We’d better make this work then.’ Isak said.

‘Yes. But hey, no pressure!’ Even said back, touching his cheek with a little smirk. 

Driving his car back home Even felt both heavy and hopeful at the same time. He’d get his own apartment as soon as possible and then they’d have a clean, amicable divorce. Eventually Isak would be introduced as pappa’s new boyfriend and then he’d move in. Monika would be okay, she would find someone else. She would be happy, happier than with him. Maybe she wouldn’t even be too upset. Maybe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your beautiful words -and kudos too! It's so lovely to read all your comments! I'll reply as soon as I can!!
> 
> Sorry that this is a bit on the short side. Next ones are longer again!

Even opened the front door of his home quietly and stayed still in the dark hall, listening. The kids should have just gone to bed by now, but you never knew if they had actually fallen asleep already. Even closed the door behind him as quietly as he could; in their house there were not many crimes worse than interfering with the kids bedtime and alerting them just when they were about to fall asleep.

Even took off his shoes and threw his jacket on the chair. An old habit. He found Monika sitting by the dining table furiously texting someone on her phone, with a cup of tea in front of her. Phew. That, at least, meant that the kids were sleeping already. Even didn’t know how to go on, or how to get started, really, and just stood there at the door of the room

Monika lifted her head and looked at him -and it took Even a few moments to realize she was crying.

‘Where have you been?’ she hissed at him angrily. ‘I really needed your help tonight with the kids. Why don’t you pick up your phone?’

Shit, he’d forgotten to turn the sound back on. But why was she crying? A panic started rise in Even's chest.

‘The phone… is off. I mean the sound is off. What’s going on?’ he forced himself to ask.

Monika frowned. ‘Nothing is “going on”. I needed you around and you fucking disappeared on me. Again!’

‘But why are you crying?’ Even tried.

Monika slumped back on her chair. ‘It was shit at the theatre again.’ Monika said gloomily. ‘Martin is still rude and intolerable and I want to quit the fucking play. How am I supposed to trust this man and his big fucking “vision” when he is an unreliable AND pompous douchebag?!’

This was not a new problem. The director of the play they were rehearsing was apparently really pushing Monika’s buttons -and many others’- and the working atmosphere at the theatre had soured. Monika sounded unusually upset, though, and that’s when Even noticed that the tea in her cup was actually red wine.

‘I’m sorry to hear that’ Even said uselessly.

Monika turned to really look at him ‘Are you now?’

‘Yes. Can I do something?’ Like maybe leave you, Even thought to himself, cringing internally.

‘Sure! You could be around for a change!’

‘I just… I had to work.’ Come on Even, get on with the program!

Monika cocked her head to the side and then sighed, lifting the tea cup to her lips. ‘All the wine glasses were dusty.’ she explained off-handedly.

‘Monika, I’m sorry I haven’t been home much lately.’ Even said, pulling a chair out next to her and sitting on it.

Monika looked defeated. ‘It’s okay. It’s just been a really bad day. Bad few days.’ 

Then she looked up from her cup. ‘Maybe I should go freelance again?’

She clearly tried to stop it but her lower lip was shivering. Even reached out to touch her fingers on the table and she took his hand.

‘If you want.’ he said. This was not going well.

Again, the tears were out. ‘I feel so fucking low nowadays, Even. It’s hard at work, you’re always... somewhere else. Even when we’re both here, we barely speak. We should go see someone.’

She looked at him with pleading eyes and said in a barely audible voice. ‘I’m so lonely, Even. So fucking lonely all the time.’

Even had nothing to say. His mind was blank.

He reached over to hug her, and Monika wrapped herself around Even tightly.

‘Where are you, Even? I just can’t find you anymore.’ she whispered.

She sobbed harder by the moment and Even pulled her as close to him as possible.

‘I’m right here, baby. I’m right here.’ And for the first time in a long time, it really felt like he was.

***

Making love to his wife should’ve felt awkward or, perhaps, impossible, given the circumstances. But instead it felt like sinking into warm milk. His body seemed to have the muscle memory of how to react to her body and how to move in sync with her. She kept herself pressed against him almost desperately. For Even, it felt familiar beyond anything else he’d ever experienced. It felt like the one lifeline there was still left to hang on to. It felt like love.

When Monika fell asleep, Even looked at her naked body next to him, wrapped in a sheet. Normally she never slept naked; she was always cold. Most nights she came to bed wearing woolen socks. It had been a never-ending source of jokes between them and also an annoyance to Even; the bed always had woolen socks under the blankets. She was beautiful sleeping there with her tousled hair on the pillow. Even had never been bothered about her having gained some weight over the years; it had been gradual and she still looked the same, to him. 

He got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, switching off lights along the way. He drank a glass of water trying to collect his thoughts and feelings which seemed to have scattered all over the place. He contemplated sending a message to Isak but decided against it. What could he possibly even say?

Leaning against the counter he looked at the large framed photos on opposite the wall. They were all black and white and arranged in a tasteful collage. They had been on the wall for so long he’d stopped seeing them; he knew every detail of each photo by heart anyway. The one of him and Monika cooing over new-born Marte was his favorite. It brought vivid memories of a time which had been, without a doubt, the best time of their relationship. 

Falling in love with each other had been great but when Monika got pregnant with Marte, they had been over the moon. Monika didn’t have too much trouble with the pregnancy and she barely even gained weight, that time. They had been excited and happy and had felt closer to each other than ever before. Maybe closer than ever after, too.

The day Marte was born had been a warm summer day. Monika’s water had broken early in the morning -and then nothing had happened. There’d been no need for them to be in a hospital and they were told to walk a lot to induce contractions. So, they had walked. She’d been wearing a knee-length summer dress and they’d strolled through sunny Oslo, slowly, stopping at cafes and ice-cream joints by the seaside to give her a rest and lounge in the sun. They’d been giddy with excitement and had felt a little sorry for everyone who was having a just a regular day. All those other people clearly had had no idea that a monumental shift in the universe was going to take place any moment now.

They had both taken to parenthood like fish in the water. That didn’t mean it hadn’t been harder than they’d ever expected. Just the sleep-deprivation alone had been almost soul-destroying. To say they had argued a lot would be an understatement. They had been those kinds of dedicated parents who, in the early days, had never wanted to use babysitters. Monika breastfed until she got pregnant again and their bed was suddenly the bed of three people -and then four.

The kids had been the bright sun of their lives and perhaps, in the end, had stolen much of the show. Already on their third date, they’d talked about their wishes to start a family; it had felt written in the stars. When he thought about their relationship, it always seemed as if it started -and ended- right there, in the exact same spot; the kids. 

Even turned to fill in his glass again and stared at the running water. He could still stay. There was so much in here, in them, wasn't there? The thought of staying filled him with great relief. Nothing had been destroyed yet, this was still an option. A very possible, good option. Even turned off the water and ran his hands over his face. He had to go to sleep and let the dark of the night to take over for a while.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I never said this would be nice and easy... ;)
> 
> I wanted to give you a longer chapter but this little one felt like a good thing to bring out on its own.

Even tapped his fingers lightly on the steering wheel of his car and kept his eyes on the door of the clinic. Isak had said he’d be out in five minutes. Even kept checking the time. It was dark again, like it always seemed to be at this time of year, and he kept his seat heating on, just for comfort.

Even felt like his insides were raw and he was incredibly tired. Resting wasn’t in the cards though; he was walking on a rope and could fall at any time, in either direction. His life had become a maze to navigate through and the guilt of it all hung over him like a menacing, but already familiar, cloud.

Isak had slipped through the door while Even was deep in his thoughts and managed to startle him by opening the car door.

‘Hi.’ he said simply, sitting on the front seat and bringing in a gush of cold air with him.

‘Hi!’ Even said smiling softly. It was good to see him and some of the unease inside of Even settled just a little bit.

‘How are you?’ Isak asked, looking at him with an unmistakable hope glinting in his eyes.

Even drew in his breath. Better just say it.

‘I couldn’t do it. Yet, I mean.’

‘Oh’ Isak said, his face falling just a little bit.

‘Listen. It was a really bad moment, she was a wreck from all this stuff happening at work and she was drinking. She had a bit of a meltdown. I’m afraid she might be depressed.’

Isak kept nodding lightly but the hope had already given way to a disappointment.

‘I just need a bit of time, okay? I will tell her soon. She just needed to be comforted and was saying how lonely she was. I had to be there for her.’

‘Okay’ Isak said blankly.

‘Let’s just wait until after the wedding and then I can plan it a bit and…’

‘Did you sleep with her?’ Isak interrupted.

‘What? Why do you… think that?’ Even said breaking out in sweat.

Isak just kept staring at him something darker taking over his face.

‘Tell me. Did you sleep with her?’

Even felt more desperate by the moment.

‘Yes.’

With that Isak slumped against the seat and turned to look straight ahead.

‘I’m sorry. It was… it just…’

‘Oh Even, I’m not even a little interested in why or how.’ Isak shot back turning to look at him again.

‘Come on, Isak! What do you want me to do? You knew how it is! You knew all along I was married!’ Even said frustrated, and then feeling embarrassed by his own words straight away. This is not how it was supposed to go; this is not what he wanted to say. He sounded like a spineless asshole.

Isak looked at him with his mouth open.

‘Are you fucking serious? That’s the line you’re going with?’

‘No. I’m sorry. That was fucked up. And I was going to tell you. Really, I wasn’t going to keep it a secret.’ Even sighed.

‘Just please… cut me some slack here, Isak. It’s so fucking hard.’ Even was pleading with him.

Isak huffed angrily. ‘You know what is hard too? That you, YOU, came to me with all your fucking ridiculous love confessions, telling me how you only want me, how you love me…’ Isak’s voice broke a little from the emotion. ‘How you’ve never wanted anyone in your life more than me. And then YOU go straight from my bed to hers! What the fuck is that, Even?’

Even had little tears in his eyes and the reality of the situation was almost too much to take in.

‘I meant every word, Isak, I still do.’ But his words seemed void of any weight.

‘You know what? I don’t need this shit! I was sitting at home, Even, feeling sorry for you -and for her- thinking of what you were going through, thinking you might even come back straight away, being ready to comfort you, and instead you were in bed with her!’

Isak took a deep breath. ‘I think this is it for me.’

‘Baby, baby, no, no, no, no, no.’ Even reached out for Isak, grabbing any part of him he could: his arm and the front of his jacket. ‘Don’t do this, don’t disappear on me now, please. I need you, it'll be okay, I swear, I’ll fix it.’

Isak’s eyebrows shot up.

‘What does that even mean, huh? The fixing it? That you’ll actually leave her? Or that you’ll stay with her? What kind of “fixing it” are we talking about here?’

Even knew he was quiet for a moment too long.

‘I’ll see you at the wedding, Even.’ Isak said opening the car door. 

Even wasn’t going to let go. ‘Close the door, Isak. Stay for a while, just a while.’

Isak looked sorry and pitiful. ‘I’m sorry it got this fucked up, I’m sorry for my part in this.’

‘I’m sorry too, so sorry.’ Even said and slowly untangled his fingers from Isak’s jacket.

Isak got up from the car and closed the door. It sounded very loud in Even’s ears.

Even looked at him walking away, towards his own car. He wanted to be with Isak. Every time he saw him, he knew he wanted to be with Isak. It was just that all the other times, when he wasn’t with him, the task ahead felt almost insurmountable.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you for your comments, lovely people!!
> 
> Here we are then, things are moving on again!

The days leading up to the wedding were life at its most normal, on the outside. Monika and Even returned quickly back to their usual pattern of communication and seemed to constantly miss each other’s points, as if on purpose. It was the weirdest kind of miscommunication; you knew in advance how it was going to go and yet you did nothing to stop it. Neither of them seemed to care about the constant friction their snide words to each other created; it was more important to say what you felt you were entitled to say, no matter how unnecessary, unkind or downright destructive, it was.

Even’s moods were swinging from devastated and guilty to carefully hopeful. Thinking of Isak hurt his heart and brought with it longing and desire. He missed Isak desperately, especially now that he knew there was a real possibility he’d never get to be with him. In this state of mind, he couldn’t bring himself to work on his behavior at home or his relationship with Monika; he felt consumed by Isak’s absence in his life.

If he continued his life just as it was, nothing would change. There would be no big divorce, no changing the lives of everyone in his family -and no change in their opinions about Even. He would be safe, incredibly, after all that had happened. All he’d have to deal with would be his own feelings of unworthiness and guilt over what he had done. Which felt like a punishment in itself.

But he kept on missing Isak and feeling empty at the thought of his life without him. Even tried to rationalize himself; he knew himself well enough to know that he was a somewhat dramatic, romantic and restless person. Did it take his kind of personality to consider leaving his wife for someone he’d had a short love story with? Probably yes. People had affairs for years -and yet decided to stay. Apparently, he wasn’t one of these people. And clearly, Isak wasn’t either. Maybe his impatience and all those dramatic characteristics of his, which he’d learned to consider as negative, were good for something real for once; they seemed to make it impossible for him to have a secret affair for any length of time.

For Even and Monika things got particularly bad the day before the wedding; the fight was worse than they usually got into. It was about whether to force Tobias to finish his plate of food at the dinner table (Even’s opinion) or not (Monika’s opinion). The climax of the fight was Monika taking Tobias’ plate and smashing it on the floor at Even’s feet and Even staring at her furiously before grabbing his jacket and leaving the house.

Even walked along the streets trying to calm his mind and to get his thoughts to queue up instead of rushing around. He was sick of this. He didn’t want any of this anymore. There was a café nearby and on a spur of a moment he got in. It was really a bit too late to drink coffee at this hour, but he didn’t care; if he couldn’t sleep tonight, then he’d be up.

Isak would be at the wedding. With them, sitting at the same table, he assumed. Probably with a closed, distant look on his face, feeling hurt, yet again, by Even. Why did it feel worse for him that he’d hurt Isak instead of having hurt Monika? This line of thinking, however, was like comparing apples and pears and provided no answers. He tried another way. Would he be contemplating leaving Monika if there was no Isak? Probably not. But did it mean he should stay now that there still might, just might, be chance to be with Isak? Honestly speaking, probably not.

The realization came to him then and there. They might be able to continue with Monika. Things might even get better, to a certain degree. But by staying with her, would he be saying no to something bigger and better? Would Monika be denied a chance to be happier with someone else too? 

The fault in this thought, he had to admit, was that no matter how he twisted it, he couldn’t convince himself that leaving Monika would actually be for her benefit; it would really be for his. But there was one more thing. Even if he stayed and they could make it further in their marriage, Even had a nagging feeling, had had for a while, that they weren’t going make it in the end. That the growing distance and indifference they felt and the fact that they hadn’t stopped fighting since Tobias was born, was a real concern. That this was not a temporary phase.

There was a part of him that wanted to stay. And it was this part of him that had leaned towards Monika that night when he had recklessly decided to leave her while in bed with Isak. It almost felt like a counter-reaction to his too fast decision-making. He still couldn’t bring himself to think of actually packing up his stuff, signing divorce papers -or telling the kids. He didn’t want to think how he might, again, feel like he should be the one comforting Monika. He wasn’t able to think about living in another house than his kids. 

But there he was, faced with all that. Could he be happy now living his life as it had been, secretly loving Isak? He hadn’t been exactly happy before, but he’d had a steady life which had felt full and meaningful enough. Now though, how could he go back to that when he really wanted something else? Maybe he didn’t have to think about every step of the way in advance; maybe he could take it one day at a time. Just one step at a time. 

He took a sip of his coffee staring straight ahead. He had to do it, it was clearer by the moment. If he didn’t, he’d wonder forever what it would have been like to be with him. There was no going back anymore for him; he couldn’t possibly pretend he hadn’t fallen in love with Isak. Excitement, fear, love and dread twirled inside of him. He knew he shouldn’t rush, but he needed to talk to Isak as soon as possible. He needed to convince Isak that this was for real. That he’ll really leave her. 

But he also knew what the very first step should be; he’d had to get through the wedding. Monika and Mari had become friendly over time too and Monika had been involved in all the wedding related events with Mari, helping her to choose a dress and organizing the hen do. There was no way Even could drop this bomb on her at this late stage, not until this weekend was over and done with. 

***

The wedding was a mere ten minutes from starting when Even and Monika hurried through the doors of the old, beautiful church. Monika had been stressed out most of the one hour drive to the church and Even had not been in a great mood either, feeling on edge. He relaxed spotting the other guys already seated in the church and walked towards them, Monika following. They all looked smart in their suits and but Isak… Isak dressed up like that made Even’s heart drop into the bottom of his stomach. His suit fit him incredibly well and he looked so very handsome to Even. 

They all got up with their spouses, shaking hands and exchanging greetings and introductions. When it was their turn, Even shook Isak’s hand like he wanted to convey everything he felt through that handshake. Isak was perfectly polite and in control, smiling and making small talk, but Even could see he was a little distracted at times and avoided looking at Monika. Even had a lump in his throat when he sat down on the wooden church bench.

There were a lot of people at the wedding and, at this moment, Even was happy he didn’t know many of them. It was better this way, not having to try to speak to everyone. Mari and Magnus walked hand in hand to the altar and had a lovely ceremony. They skipped some little traditions which would have seemed a little too pretentious or unnecessary for them and after the church service drove their own car to the countryside hotel where the reception was held. 

It was a gorgeous venue. There was an old, yellow manor of sorts as the main building and then an added building nearby with more hotel rooms. Monika and Even had just enough time to drop their bags into their room before heading down to wedding dinner. Of course, just as Even had assumed, they were all seated at the same table. Thankfully, at least, Isak and Even were not placed next to each other but the fact that Isak was the only one on his own, was a bit too obvious to everyone. Or perhaps it was only obvious to Even.

Mahdi and his equally tall and, frankly, stunning wife, Sara, were sitting nearby, and Monika got along with her right away. Which was a great relief to Even even if not surprising; Monika was good with people and situations like these. Maybe it was the actor in her. Even could concentrate on his drink, which he had badly needed. Isak kept up a light and fun conversation with Jonas and his partner and barely glanced at Even’s direction, understandably. Even stared at the bottom of his champagne glass intensely. How was he supposed to get through this evening?


	13. Chapter 13

The dinner kicked off with some musical entertainment in the background. The atmosphere was relaxed and festive and Even kept this glass filled. It felt like a buffer against the brutal reality of being seated at the same table with his wife and the man who'd been his secret lover. Mari and Magnus swung by their table at some point before the desserts and for Even it was a breath of fresh air to see them so happy and glowing. Mari had a lacey, mermaid style dress and it looked lovely against her darker skin and black hair. Magnus, on the other hand, was looking proud and excited.

'Are you all having fun?' he asked, with a champagne glass in his hand and an arm around Mari's waist, and received enthusiastic cheers from everyone.

Even did his best to keep up happy appearances but it was hard. He participated in conversations and tried to keep his focus but felt like he couldn’t quite pull it off. Isak, on the other hand, seemed to be actually enjoying himself. Perhaps it was the wine or the happy occasion, but his cheeks were a lively shade of red and he looked boyish in the soft light of the candles. Despite his efforts, Even caught himself staring several times. God, this was getting awful. 

Monika and the rest of the table were feeling more and more relaxed -and perhaps tipsy- as the evening progressed and laughter erupted from their table on a regular basis. By now the dancing had started and the DJ was playing some incredibly cheesy wedding music. And yet, somehow it fit the bill perfectly and added to the fun atmosphere. As usual, the point came when people started asking questions about Monika’s job. And his. She was known to some of them, but, really, she couldn’t be called a well-known celebrity. Even even less so. Nonetheless, there was always an interest towards their work and Even felt more uncomfortable in the spotlight than ever before. He excused himself and went to get some fresh air.

Breathing in the cold December air, he tried to relax himself. It wasn’t going great, but he was managing. Now he just had to get through a little more of the party and then he’d be out of here. He shouldn’t have had so much to drink though; he felt a little loose and reckless -and had an urge to reach out to Isak, somehow. Which he really wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t do. Really. 

Returning back to the ball room, he realised that Isak was standing by himself on the side of the dance floor. Even moved to stand next to him and Isak only acknowledged him by sighing and looking at the floor for a moment. Even kept his eyes on Isak even though he stared stubbornly at the dancers.

‘I want to dance with you’, Even said.

‘Even…’ Isak said quietly. ‘Come on.’

‘I do. Would you, please?’

Isak turned to look at him. ‘We can’t. And I don’t know if I’d want to anyway.’ Isak said but Even could see he didn’t quite mean it. He was sure of it.

‘Please Isak. Follow me in a moment, okay?’

Isak’s mouth fell open. ‘No. Are you nuts? I’m not going to make out with you.’

‘No, please trust me. No making out involved.’

Isak turned to stare ahead, looking thoroughly annoyed. ‘Okay. Five minutes’, he hissed.

Even made his way from the ball room to the hall and from there into a little room which had winter jackets lining all four walls of it. He left the door ajar, took his suit jacket off, folded it on a stool and waited. After a while Isak did indeed come in and close the door behind him.

‘So?’ Isak asked but he sounded much softer than before -and more pained too.

The music was loud in this room as the DJ stand and the dance floor were right behind the wall.

Even reached out his hand. ‘Dance with me. Please.’

Isak seemed to be indecisive for a moment and bit his lower lip. He looked around like he needed to check if there was anybody else in the room with them. 

Then he nodded and took his jacket off, folding it on top of Even’s. He took Even’s hand just when a new song started playing.

Even pulled Isak close to him, wrapping one arm around his waist and holding his other hand in his. He felt his entire body exhaling, as if for the first time in a long while. Isak felt so good and right against him.

Isak groaned a little against Even neck. ‘Oh my god, what is this? The Dirty Dancing song?’

Even chuckled a little. ‘It’s fucking great.’ 

The song kept going on about hungry eyes and Even found himself singing the lyrics softly into Isak’s ear, not entirely seriously at first. 

“Now I've got you in my sights  
With these hungry eyes”

He expected Isak to scoff and push himself off at any time, but he didn’t. Even held him still a little tighter and kept whispering in his ear.

Isak didn’t resist and held him tightly too. They kept moving in the small room, on their own dance floor, could have been their own galaxy if you asked Even, just across the wall from everybody else. Their hands and bodies pressed together, and fingers dug into each other backs and waists, their breathing in each other’s necks. 

Even didn’t even care that this was another stolen moment or that this was dangerous; it was all he wanted, right now. Isak’s strong body in his arms, smelling like a man, with a little hint of a stubble on his cheek. Familiar bangs of desire radiated through his body from his lower belly and made him want to touch every part of Isak. To have him as close as possible.

The song was coming to an end and he knew he had to speak quickly before the moment was over. ‘Listen to me, Isak. I’ve made up my mind, for good. I will leave her very soon.’ He pulled away just a little, to be able to look Isak in the eyes. ‘I am so sorry for what I did. You have to believe me. All I’m asking is a little time.’ 

They had stopped moving but he still held on to isak. 

‘Could you please think of dating me again?’

Isak looked apprehensive.

‘You know, Even. You’re the only one in my mind. To get such a literal reminder that I’m not the only one in yours was… pretty fucked up. And that you were never free for me to fall for in the first place.’ 

Even looked at him pleading, hoping he’d continue.

Isak sighed and rested his cheek on Even shoulder. ‘But I’d always wonder what it would have been like if I didn’t take the chance.’

A big smile spread on Even’s face and he leaned to kiss his cheek. ‘That’s exactly what I was thin…’

At that very moment the door of the cloakroom opened. Neither of them was prepared to jump apart and they made a mess of trying to put distance between themselves, stumbling over their own legs.

Who was staring at them at the door was none other than a very surprised Jonas. He had no suit jacket on either and seemed to be little tipsy, with a beer glass in his hand. He recovered quickly though and closed the door behind him. 

For a couple of seconds, the three men were standing awkwardly in the small space until Jonas spoke.

‘It’s twenty years later and, apparently, I can still open a door to a room one day and find you two hooking up.’

Even felt mortified and Isak grabbed his own jacket, pulling it on hastily.

‘Jonas.’ Isak said. ’Can you please keep quiet about this?’

Jonas only nodded with an unreadable expression on his face. Isak slipped out of the room quickly and Even felt like he was left to be scolded by a parent. He grabbed his jacket too and turned back to face Jonas.

‘I’m sorry to put you in this position’ he said to Jonas, straightening his back and trying to hold his head up high, as if he had done nothing to be ashamed of. Jonas looked back at him like he was thinking very carefully, with his eyebrows furrowed.

‘This’ Jonas said wiggling his finger a little from side to side. ‘Is not a pretty situation. You guys should sort it out.’ He paused for a moment before continuing. ‘Monika is looking for you.’

Even only nodded before leaving the room. 

It had just been Jonas but Even had his heart in his throat. He couldn’t stop the slight shaking of his hands. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene at Magnus’ wedding and what they had been doing was clearly playing with fire.

Even stayed for a couple of hours, talking with anyone safe enough, until he could go up to the room. Isak had shot a few careful glances at his direction, but mostly had done an excellent job at having what looked like a nice time. Even wad grateful that Monika was having fun too, with the girls he realized she had met earlier at the hen do.

Even hit the bed before Monika and congratulated himself for having made it through. He pretended to sleep when Monika got in.

***

In the morning he felt relieved. He got up and showered while Monika went downstairs for breakfast ahead of him. He was ready to follow her when there was a knock on his hotel room door. 

A somewhat hungover Jonas was standing there with his eyes wide open wide and a shocked look on his face.

‘What’s up?’ Even asked.

Jonas peaked into the room behind him. ‘Are you alone?’

‘Yes. What’s the matter?’ Even said again. Jonas pushed past him to get into the room with him and turned to face him.

‘Listen, Mia came across something online. You should see it for yourself.’ Jonas said pushing his phone in Even’s hand.

It was a trashy tabloid website; everything about the page looked shady. But in the front, clear as day, was a surprisingly good quality photo of Even and Isak, kissing deeply in the middle of the street.

Fear spread through Even’s body like wildfire. It was happening. He probably looked as pale as he felt.

The title was unimaginative but hammered the message through: ‘Director Even Bech Naesheim caught CHEATING on wife, actress Monika Lindström, with a MAN’. 

Everybody would know. 

Monika would know. His parents too. His colleagues. 

His kids.

Every damn person in Norway.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for some little mistakes in the past chapters; had to go back and correct them. At least I'm back from travelling and can focus better now (though I don't say there won't be any in this one)! :)

Even sat on the bed feeling too weak in the knees to keep standing up. He was still holding onto Jonas’ phone; he couldn’t stop reading the article and staring at the photos. Thankfully, they didn’t know Isak’s name. That was good, at least. Maybe Isak would be spared of this mess. They didn’t know much, to be honest. The short article listed some basic information about him and Monika and mentioned that they had three kids. They had recycled a photo of them together, attending an opening of a play two years ago. 

In the photo the kiss was clearly loving and passionate. The way Even was holding Isak’s face and how they were attached to each other left nothing to imagination. In the other photos they were talking or holding hands and Isak’s face was clearly visible. Fucking bastards. An anger rose in Even like a flame but died down quickly returning him to the state of panic and shock.

Jonas was quiet and stood in the middle of the room, clearly unsure of what to do. Even felt sorry for him, like he did for anyone else involved in this fucked up situation. Jonas was clearly a decent man and was probably wondering what he had gotten himself involved in. Even sighed and handed him his phone.

‘I have to go get Monika’, he said with his voice calm and thick. ‘Could you, please, tell Isak?’ 

Jonas nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Even’, Jonas said back. ‘I don’t think you deserve this, no matter what’s going on.’

‘I appreciate that, but, you know, maybe I do.’ Even replied loudly, slamming his palms to his knees and getting up.

He gave a tense smile to Jonas who padded him on the back before leaving the room.

Even did a quick job of packing his things and left the room to go to the reception to pay. He felt like he was on a mission, unnaturally calm and focused. He paid and went to put his stuff in the car.

There was no way of knowing who knew already and the thought made him slightly paranoid walking back into the hotel. Nothing, though, could prepare him for arriving at the door of the breakfast room. It was a busy moment and it felt like most people from the wedding were there. Everything looked eerily normal at first but then he started to notice the pointed looks and whispers.

Magnus, Mia and Mari were discussing with hushed tones and serious looks on their faces in one corner of the room. Magnus’ eyes looked wide like he’d seen a ghost. Even’s eyes quickly fell on Isak who was sitting nearby. Jonas was right there next to him and was talking to him in a quiet, urgent voice. Isak was still chewing his food but his movements slowed down when his head snapped towards Even. The shock on his face seemed to be the normal reaction by now. Even opened his mouth to say something but Isak had already turned his head to look at the phone Jonas had put on the table in front of him.

There were a few other tables of people he didn’t know who seemed to be leaning towards each other and whispering. He was sure he saw a few heads turn his way and then turn back nodding to the others. He didn’t care to pay any more attention to that; he had to find Monika fast and get her out of here.

Monika was sitting at an end of a long table happily chatting with Sara and Mahdi. She nursed a coffee cup and was in the middle of excitedly telling a story to them when Even reached their table.

‘Morning’ he said, reminding himself to maintain some level of normalcy.

‘Good morning!’ Mahdi said leaning back a little. ‘You missed quite a fun end of the party! We took over from the DJ for the last hour again. You missed some great beats!’

‘Let me just clarify that Mahdi was feeling great because Nils had some weed. They took Magnus along and sneaked out to smoke it in secret!’ Sara was laughing.

In normal circumstances Even would have indeed wanted to be part of that. Right now, though, he could barely smile wide enough to fake amusement.

As soon as he possibly could he leaned down towards Monika and whispered to her: ‘We should get going. Something came up.’

Monika looked surprised. ‘Really? What? Something with the kids?’

‘No, no, no. Just… something. I’ll explain to you in the car.’

‘Come on, Even. What’s up? I wanted to take my time this morning and not rush home. Maybe drive back slowly and stop somewhere for lunch.’ Monika was starting to sound a little annoyed and Mahdi and Sara looked at them curiously.

‘Listen, you’ve got to take my word on it. We have to leave.’

Monika sighed theatrically. ‘Seriously, Even, I’m going to, at least, take a shower first.’

Even was very relieved when he got Monika out of the breakfast room, but at the reception he told her that he’d wait in the car, that he had to make some important phone calls. There was no way in hell he’d have this discussion with Monika in the hotel room with all these people around.

‘On a Sunday morning?’ Monika asked sceptically.

‘Yes.’ Even simply answered, not ready to invent anymore lies.

Monika was pissed off by now but gave up and walked off towards their room. To Even her footsteps sounded like a thunderstorm. For a second, he closed his eyes and when he opened them, he saw Isak approaching him carefully, looking around.

‘Get into the men’s room’ he hissed to Even.

Whether that was a good idea or not, Even had no time to think about. As soon as they were in and had checked that nobody else was in there, Isak stood in the middle of the room, spreading his arms.

‘What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, EVEN?’ Isak almost yelled.

‘I don’t fucking know!’ Even let his own frustration boil over too.

‘I fucking knew it, I knew that man was looking at us!’

Even hung his head for a second and breathed deeply, gathering his thoughts.

He looked back at Isak trying to be as comforting as possible.

‘Hey, they don’t know your name--’

‘Yet!’ Isak replied. ‘It’s pretty clearly me!’

That was true. But Even had to calm him down, if he possibly could.

‘I will tell Monika everything right now. Obviously, I don’t want her to find out from anyone else. We’ll fly under the radar for a while and this will all be forgotten soon. I’m not that well-known. It’s just the rumor machine. In a few days they’ll have found more interesting news about someone more famous!’

‘Really? You don’t think you publicly kissing a man and subsequently divorcing your -famous!- wife is not going to be interesting to the tabloids for a bit longer?’ Isak asked disbelieving. ‘Don’t be stupid, Even.’

Isak stood with his hands on his hips staring at the ceiling like he could find answers from there. ‘How the fuck am I going to deal with this at work? And with my patients?’

Even had no answers. He felt devastated.

Isak turned to look at him. There was nothing to say.

‘I don’t blame you’, Isak said, in the end. ‘I make my own mistakes too’, he continued, with a little, defeated smile on his face.

Even reached out to take his hand.

‘Take care of yourself’, he said quietly. ‘Can I call you later today? Or tomorrow? I don’t really know how this is going to go.’

Isak looked at him and seemed to be deep in his thoughts. ‘I think I’ll go to my cabin for a couple of days. I was supposed to go to a medical conference, but I can cancel it and take a few days off. If you'll need a place to escape to, I’ll be there.’

The relief that swept over Even almost knocked him off his feet. Isak was on his side, even in the middle of all this. His eyes quickly filled up with tears, but he fought against them.

‘Thank you’, he said with his voice full of emotion.

Isak left the men’s room first and Even stayed in, waiting for a while. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw a tired man with dark rings under the eyes. How come his hair looked more gray today than a few weeks ago? And his skin too.

He was hungry and could feel the champagne and wine he’d consumed last night. There was no way he could digest an actual breakfast now, but maybe he could get a coffee from the breakfast room. And perhaps try to eat just a croissant.

It was going to be a long day.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you hanging, guys! I wasn't done with this particular angsty bit quite yet and, as the world's most impatient person, already wanted to post what I had finished. :) 
> 
> This was not a lot of fun to write, to be honest. Things can only get better though. Right? ;)

Monika stepped into the car with her wet hair and hastily put on makeup. Even felt sorry in advance for having to do this in a car, but he could think of no other solution. Without saying anything he steered the car onto the road. It felt better to move, to get away from the curious looks and, quite possibly, judgmental opinions of anyone at the hotel. The relief was short-lived, though, as he remembered that the photos were literally available to anyone who could access the website. Or, possibly, many websites by now.

‘So, what was the problem? Why did we have to rush off? For once, we could’ve taken our time and enjoyed the Sunday without the kids. It was pretty rude to your friends too. Did you even say goodbye to anyone? You’ve been really odd this whole weekend, actually. Magnus and Mari were probably wondering what…’ Monika went on, talking sourly.

‘Monika, just stop for a second, please’, Even asked.

Perhaps his voice was unusually emotional; Monika snapped her mouth shut.

‘I have to tell you something’, he said with his voice quivering.

Monika’s hand flew in front of her mouth. ‘Oh my god, it’s cancer, isn’t it?’

‘What? No… what are you talking about?’ Even asked, not quite comprehending where this was coming from.

‘Your mother had the lump checked?’ Monika asked.

Even swore in his mind. ‘No, fuck, no. I mean, yes, she had it checked on Friday, and, no, it’s not cancer.’

Monika sighed. ‘Oh, thank god! I was nervous about that one. Wait a minute, why didn’t she call me?’ 

‘I think she tried but called me instead when she couldn’t reach you. Sorry, forgot to tell you.’ 

Aaargh! Even’s mind was screaming. This was so, so bad.

‘Even, you are always so fucking absent-minded...’

‘Monika, LISTEN to me!’ Even shouted. 

He steered the car suddenly onto a rest stop and turned to look at her.

‘I’ve been having an affair’, he blurted out with no finesse whatsoever.

Monika looked at him like he had two heads.

‘What?’ 

‘And I’ve fallen in love with someone else’, Even continued.

‘What?’ her face was contorting with shock. It felt like the words were too big for her to swallow and she couldn’t quite take them in.

For a moment there was an awful, ugly silence between them, but Even could already hear the faint sounds of the approaching rumble, the sounds of the first rocks of the walls of his marriage falling down.

‘What the fuck are you talking about, Even? An affair?!’ Monika spat out her voice rising steadily. ‘With who? Why… why are you telling me right now? Oh my god, she was at the WEDDING? Is THAT why we had to leave?! Who? With who?’ Monika was yelling by now, first tears rising in her eyes. ‘You fucking asshole! WHO?’

Even could barely make out the word. ‘Isak.’

‘WHAT? Isak? From our table?’

‘Yes.’

Monika’s mouth hung open and looked like it couldn’t close. The mentioning of Isak’s name seemed to bring the fury down by a few notches and instead ushered her into deepened state of shock.

‘A man? A man, Even, A MAN?!’ she repeated astonished. ‘And you said… you’re in love with him?!’

‘Yes’, Even swallowed.

‘Are you gay?’ she almost whispered. ‘Is that what this is?’

‘No! You know what I am, that’s not the issue here!’ Even had really wished they wouldn’t have to go down this road, but, as it turns out, it was unavoidable.

‘Honestly, I just thought you said you’re bi back then to be cool… or somehow so fucking liberal. You’d never even been with a guy, for real!’ Monika eyes widened. ‘Is that the reason, then? You needed to fuck a guy? Having a midlife crisis, ARE YOU?!’

‘No! Shut up!’ Even yelled back. 'Stop saying ignorant shit like that! I just.. I just fell.. for him.'

'Oh, you poor baby! You just stumbled over him, did you now? With no fault of your own?' Monika yelled again. 'You fucking lying, cheating scumbag!'

***

Now, it was never going to be pretty, but the very ugliness of this situation just took Even’s breath away. Monika kept asking for details about when and where and how -and Even gave them. She cried and shouted with every answer.

In the end Even had to bring out the phone. It all had to come out right now. ‘There are photos. Online’, he said pushing the phone into her hand.

The anger in her gave way to heartbreaking sobbing when she went through the article and the photos. Even just stared ahead out of the car window and waited for her to say something, anything.

‘This... is awful. Even, this is so humiliating’, she burst into a new wave of tears. ‘How could you? How could you, Even? How could you do this me?’

‘I never meant for any of this to happen’, he said thickly and that was the god damn truth. 

It was just as true, though, that his good intentions had amounted to absolutely nothing. 

***

‘What am I supposed to do with all this now?’ she asked eventually. ‘You want a divorce?’

Even looked at her feeling the pain in his chest growing bigger and bigger like a balloon that couldn’t fit in anymore.

‘Yes’, he said sadly.

Monika cried some more. ‘I can’t believe this. I CAN’T believe this. I mean, I KNEW things were not okay, that they were way past okay. You know, I was so sick of you that I didn’t even feel like booking the marriage counsellor. I just couldn’t be bothered! Yet, I still thought there was something more left in this marriage than THIS kind of ending.’

She sobbed loudly and Even could only just apologize again.

‘You know, I’ve thought about divorce too!’ she lifted her head. ‘I’ve also wanted out of this, sometimes! But did I go out and start fucking someone else? DID I?’ she shouted again.

Even instinctively shook his head as a response.

‘You’ve also wanted to divorce?’ he had to ask, though.

‘No, don’t you even dare try to make yourself feel better about what you did!’, she pointed a finger at him furiously. ‘You are NOT FORGIVEN just because I’ve had my doubts too!’

***

The car drive took three hours and required two more stops along the road and once at the gas station when Even needed to charge the car.

By the time they got home, Even was delirious with exhaustion. He had answered every question, gone through every issue, apologized and explained. There was no reason to try to hide anything anymore, so he was honest. Despite of the devastation it caused, he also felt lighter -almost empty- at the end of their trip.

Monika had called his parents on the way and they had agreed to keep the kids one more night. Even had felt an overwhelming sense of sadness hearing her cry into the phone at a distance in the rest stop while he’d been waiting, leaning onto the car. Her parents were nice people and Even had always particularly admired his father-in-law; he was a kind-hearted, non-judgmental kind of man, his heart as golden as his hair was silvery. Even had had to wonder how this relationship would shape up to be now. This and many others.

Even offered to leave straight away, but Monika didn’t want to hear about it. She needed to go through everything again and again and have him be at the receiving end of her sorrow over the betrayal. So, he stayed, and he was.

The emotional rollercoaster continued throughout most of the day. They still went through stages of crying and yelling -and even some too early attempts to talk about how to arrange life after the divorce. Truthfully, Even was amazed by Monika’s tenacity to go through feelings and issues and not escape from any unpleasant truths either. It wasn’t exactly new to him, but he had also never seen her in a situation like this or in such dire state of mind.

Their home was as familiar as ever and, yet, it already felt foreign to Even. In the intervals of their emotionally charged discussions and confrontations, Even quietly thought about what he should take with him. 

He avoided the photos of the kids and their rooms. He couldn’t bear to think about that in any detail just yet.


	16. Chapter 16

In the morning Monika and Even woke up at the same time, from the same bed. Monika hadn’t minded that Even slept next to her and he was grateful; there was no other bed as comfortable for his tall frame in their house as their own. They barely spoke and got on with their morning routines, Even trying to stay out of Monika’s way. 

Monika insisted on going to work; she wanted to be back at the theatre as soon as possible. She looked tired, her eyes were puffy and she was clearly hurt and angry still, but she had a determined look on her face. 

She had arranged for her sister to come over that night and the thought filled Even with both relief and trepidation. He knew he wouldn’t be kindly treated, deservedly so, by the sister; she was outspoken and fiercely loyal to Monika. He just wished that the very delicate temporary truce they had somehow managed to reach wouldn’t go up in flames.

He packed a school bag for Marte and Monika took it with her to bring it to the school. Monika left without saying goodbye.

Left alone in the house, Even called the office and spoke in length with his boss. Jan was a good friend and Even needed just that; a friendly voice of someone outside of this situation. 

Jan hadn’t heard or seen anything, but that wasn’t exactly surprising. Tabloids weren’t his usual source of information and, likely, were not of anybody else in the company either. If Jan was shocked about the mess that was Even’s life now, he hid it well -and Even was happy for that. 

Even cancelled his work meetings for the next few days; he had a plan. In a quick exchange of messages, Isak had sent him an address.

Packing a few bags and suitcases was fast. He knew he’d be back, but he didn’t want to have interfere with Monika’s life unnecessarily in the beginning. 

He set out to look for available apartments which, predictably, was easier said than done. He needed to find something from nearby, but he’d need to be lucky to find the right place in the neighbourhood. He abandoned his search quickly and decided to call a few real estate agents. Then he got back to his work emails for a moment, before it was time to go.

***

A few hours later, he arrived at a small log cabin. There was a forest in the back of it and from the front there was a view of the fjord. Isak had been right; it was a bit far and clearly a simple, small place. But judging by its location, it still must have cost a fortune. 

Even felt almost numb from all the emotions he’d gone through in the past days and he found himself just sitting in the car, having little energy to get up. 

The door of the cabin opened and Isak appeared at the door. His hair was messy, and he was wearing a thick woollen sweater, worn out jeans and woollen socks. The cabin behind his back looked warm and inviting. A small, tired smile appeared on Even’s face and Isak smiled back a little, encouragingly. 

This was his hope, his future, his afternoon, Even realised. He wanted to remember this image for the rest of his life. So, he sat there in his car looking at Isak and fighting another wave of emotion rising in him. He didn’t want to cry again.

In the end, Isak pulled on rubber boots and leisurely walked to the car. He opened Even’s door and leaned down.

‘Hey’, he said.

‘Hey’, Even replied.

Isak took his hand and nudged it as a sign for Even to get up. He did.

***

There was a fire in the fireplace and they were sitting on the sofa with cups of coffee in their hands. The woollen socks were needed; it was December after all and while the log cabin had warmed up nicely, it would always be a bit chilly in the winter.

‘What’s the plan with the kids?’, Isak asked, leaning forward.

They had gone through much of what had happened, but this was, without a doubt, the most important issue.

‘I’ll go back tomorrow, and me and Monika will tell them together’, Even said, warming his fingers against the coffee cup. ‘It was the one thing we didn’t fight about; how to deal with the kids. I mean, it's not like we talked about it in any detail but we did agree that there should be no arguing in front of them, no talking badly of each other. Shared custody and we’ll try to live close to each other, at least in the beginning.’

Isak nodded, looking relieved. ‘That’s… really good.’

‘Yeah. But I was never really worried about that in the first place; I knew she has it in her to do what’s best for them. We’ll be friendly in front of the them.’ Even sighed and smiled a little sadly. ‘We discussed it sometimes when we heard stories of children getting caught up in ugly divorces. We both agreed that it was a disgrace if adult people couldn’t separate their mutual feelings and their relationships with their kids.’

‘That’s pretty mature’, Isak admitted.

‘Well, these were the kind of things I married her for in the first place’, Even said.

‘What, you married her because you knew she’d be mature about it if you divorced?’ Isak raised his eyebrows, looking at Even incredulously and a little amused.

‘No, you idiot.’ Even smiled a bit and then got serious again. ‘Because she has emotional intelligence. Because she has a good heart.’

‘That sounds like a lot to live up to’, Isak mumbled, with a lopsided smile, staring into his coffee cup.

‘You’ll have no problems. I’ll marry you for the same reasons’, Even smirked, leaning towards Isak.

‘Marry me? I would just like to remind you that you haven’t even divorced yet. And besides, I’d like to be one of a kind, thank you very much’, Isak protested, but Even had already wrapped his arm tightly around his waist and put his face in Isak’s neck, making him laugh.

***

After dinner, they sat in the small, dark sauna, staring out of the window at the fjord.

‘This place looks just like you’, Even said.

‘It does?’ Isak turned towards him.

‘Yeah. Real. No frills’, Even nodded.

He kissed Isak and rested his sweaty forehead against his. He felt himself wanting to get closer, much closer. In the morning, the thought of having sex today would have felt distant and maybe even impossible, but now, here with Isak, he was getting turned on by just his proximity. 

‘I want to make love to you’, Even said.

‘You do?’ Isak asked seriously.

‘Yeah’, Even replied quietly.

Isak nodded. ‘Let me get ready.’

***

That was the night of many firsts. It was the first night of them. It was the first time Even sank into Isak and made love to him like he was starving for him. It was the first time Isak would guide Even.

In some ways Even didn’t know what to do and yet in others, making love to a man felt familiar, like he’d already done it a thousand times in his past lives. 

The way Isak gasped and whimpered underneath him, the way Isak whispered little words into his ear, the way their bodies sounded together, the way Isak felt so hot and tight around him that he had to keep slowing down to make himself last, the way Isak’s thighs were wrapped around his waist, it all burned into Even’s memory like it was branded there.

He kissed Isak’s neck, licked him, pushed both of his hands into his hair while keeping as steady a pace as possible. Then he made the mistake of looking down and the sight of Isak’s swollen dick moving on his belly to the rhythm of his pushes made him come with little warning and much groaning.

***

They were lying on the bed in silence again, naked and deep in thought. Even wanted to shower again but didn’t want to move. Even felt raw and exposed from inside out. There was much to do and a long way to go to deal with all of this. But, almost unbelievably, it looked like he wasn’t going to have to do this alone.

His heart felt too big for his chest when he looked at Isak. All the sex they’d had before had not come close to today, and not only because of how they did it this time. Today it had not been a secret, nor a desperate need to steal minutes together. Almost an endless expanse of time and possibilities spread out in front of Even when he thought of what they could be together. 

But first, though, there was a lot of question marks to go through. After all, it was only the beginning of the unravelling of his and Monika’s life together. He wondered how it would shape up. And what would he need to do -and how much time had to pass- for Monika to forgive him. Would she actually forgive him, ever? Could they manage to become genuinely friendly with each other? How would they manage the day-to-day parenting together? How would Isak fit into all this? How would his kids react and how could he help them to get over the change?

Isak got up to pull a t-shirt on himself and throw the condom and the towel he had used to clean himself onto the floor.

‘You have to go to sleep’, he said gently to Even. ‘I can hear you thinking all the way from there. You can’t do anything to solve it now.’

Even reached for a t-shirt and sit up to pull it on himself too.

‘I know’, he sighed.

Isak was already lying down. ‘Come’, he said and took his arm, guiding him under the blanket next to him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I almost had withdrawal symptoms for writing so little this weekend! But luckily, I managed to get back to it as soon as Monday rolled in. :)
> 
> This chapter was a bit of a filler and I went back and forth about whether I want to write or not. But I'm happy I did. It's also a wrap on Even. It's about time we hear from Isak. :)
> 
> Again, thanks for all the love!!

It was pitch-black and rainy in the evening of Christmas Eve. Even, for once, had managed to find a parking spot on Isak’s street and was itching to get home. Well, actually, Isak’s home. It was just that in only a few short weeks, he’d gotten used to living with Isak and the apartment had started to, increasingly, feel like a home to him too. 

He hadn’t meant to stay. But it had been comfortable, and this way Even had been able to focus on the kids, work and dealing with the aftermath of his pretty public break up. He’d learned that finding a new place wasn’t fast either. Also, it was unbelievably easy to live with Isak. No, not easy. Heavenly. 

He loved coming home to Isak. The first stages of a new relationship were always intoxicating but, this time, there was an added meaning to it all. They both knew this was the real deal; despite of what they had agreed, they never actually thought they were just dating. It seemed like an unspoken, already accepted truth that they were in it for the long haul. Neither of them got shocked of the other casually talking about the future.

Also, physically staying away from Isak was nearly impossible. Even had forgotten how much sex you could want -and have. He felt a craving for Isak all the time. He’d lost weight; falling in love and constantly having sex seemed to replace the appetite. Just like heartbreak did too.

Yesterday he’d come back from work and Isak had been waiting for him by the door. Isak fallen on his knees and taken Even in his mouth while Even had still had his shoes on. They had both laughed at themselves when Isak had come up to kiss him, but the heat had overtaken them and soon Even had pulled Isak’s pants down, bent him over the drawer, trembled with sudden urgency while coating himself with lube and pushed into him. If you asked Even, sex was now all he needed to go on. He barely felt the need to sleep.

Even locked the car doors while walking towards the house. Today he felt emotional but not as shaken as he had thought he might be. Today had given him hope for the future concerning the children.

Monika had really done a good deed this Christmas by inviting Even over to open the presents together with the kids -and her parents. It had been absolutely nerve-wrecking to meet his soon-to-be former parents-in-law so soon after it all went to hell, but, despite some awkward silences and an undeniably heavy atmosphere amongst the adults, it had gone as well as one could hope for. Monika’s mother had looked emotional and angry at times but, in the end, had acted with detached politeness. It was likely that she had been coerced to behave herself in front of Even. Her father had been absent-minded and serious.

Even had concentrated on the kids and helped them with the new Lego sets and battery-operated, barking toy dogs. He knew very well this was not for him, but he was happy nonetheless to be with them when they opened their presents. Monika only frowned at him for having gone a bit overboard with the gifts this year but said nothing. He’d stayed just for the presents and then quickly bowed out, promising the kids to pick them up tomorrow to drive up to his parent’s place for lunch. It was another meeting that Even was nervous about.

His parents knew his sexual orientation, at least he assumed his mother would have told his dad too, but he’d never dated a man before -that they knew of. While him falling in love with a man had been a surprise, the ugly tabloid headlines -and then even the reporting in more respectable media of the filing of a divorce just before Christmas- had been the real shock to them. They’d be on his side, he knew, but his mother would have some opinions about the way things were handled. Isak would not come along, that much was clear. Not yet.

Checking for any possible photographers, or just curious bystanders with phones in their hands, had become a habit while he walked on the streets of Oslo, but tonight it was Christmas Eve and the streets were almost empty. Christmas lights looked great in the windows of shops and people’s houses and Even realised that his was probably the closest he’d get to a Christmas feeling this year. He was absolutely okay with that; these things are nice but lose their meaning when your life is in turmoil.

He opened the door of the apartment and could hear the football commentary from the living room. Isak was sitting on a sofa, drinking a beer, still with a sharp white shirt and his standard work jeans on. He glanced at Even. 

‘Hey, baby’, he said but turned quickly back to the TV.

Even chuckled. He was sure the game Isak was watching was a rerun and absolutely nothing he needed to watch right now but if he’d learned something about Isak by now, it was that his crazy-level obsession with football could not be reasoned with. Even went to give him a kiss which did the trick of getting Isak’s focus off the TV for a moment.

‘How was work?’, Even asked.

Isak shrugged. ‘Good. Quiet. Really quiet. But I got through some work that had been piling up.’

Isak usually spent the Christmas Eve having dinner with his parents or his sister’s family, but this year he’d wanted to stay home to have dinner with Even. There wasn’t one Christmas decoration in the house -and definitely no Christmas tree- and they had planned to make pasta for dinner. Even had carefully chosen the red wine and bought a chocolate cake from the bakery but that was about as festive as he’d wanted to make it. He’d been around Christmas traditions for so many years that this felt refreshing, almost rebellious.

Later on, in bed, Even was lying on his belly with Isak collapsed on top of him, still panting, when he suddenly felt like crying. This had been another new -and it had been overwhelming. Many times Even felt like this all was happening too fast, that the changes were too much for him to bear. He reached back to take Isak’s hand and pull it under him to keep him in place when Isak tried to separate their sweat-sticky bodies. It wasn’t comfortable, but the emotions kept him stuck. 

Isak got it, like he so often did. He wrapped his arms around Even’s upper body the best he could and shushed him.

‘Shhh, baby, shhh. Everything is fine, everything is good’, he said, pulling himself up a bit to kiss Even's cheek.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it then! Thanks to everyone who commented and gave kudos; it's been incredibly rewarding to hear from you! If I didn't reply to your comment personally, please forgive me! I've just been busy with life and trips and illnesses and family and, you know, writing this thing. :)
> 
> I've gotten attached to these characters too and feel a little sad at leaving the story. It's funny when you create something like this and the story takes on a life of its own; I've felt angry and frustrated and sad and happy for the characters. It was great to live in their world for a while.
> 
> I hope you'll all have a great summer! :)

2,5 years later

 

Isak sat on a bench and leaned on his knees looking for Tobias on the pitch. The football practice was almost over, and they had to leave fast to pick up Marte from a friend’s house. It was a school night after all and they still had to do homework and have dinner.

‘Iiiisak, is it over soon?’, Aurora whined next to him. She was leaning on his side lightly and Isak automatically put his arm around her. She seemed happy of that even though she did check around if anyone saw. At nearly nine years old, public displays of affection were quickly going out of fashion. 

‘Yes. Let’s go get him’, he said standing up and offering a hand to Aurora. She seemed to roll her eyes a bit but took it anyway.

‘I have to pee’, Aurora declared and let go of his hand, taking off towards the bathroom doors next to the dressing room.

‘Okay, I’ll wait here’, Isak said loudly after her, checking the time again. It was still a bit chilly, for the end of May, and Isak tried to remember if Tobias had a hoodie with him to keep him warm after the practice.

While he stood there waiting, he was looking at the many familiar faces of parents and kids walking by, saying hello occasionally. He’d never once thought, before meeting Even, that he’d be on this side of the kids’ football practice; he’d only ever been the coach. Undeniably, it made him proud, the fact that he was there and that the kids seemed to think nothing of it.

When they’d gotten together with Even, the kids had been bewildered and confused about who Isak was. It had taken Isak and Even weeks to explain to the kids that pappa and his ‘special friend’ lived together and slept in the same bedroom. But by the time they had moved into their new place, close to Monika’s, Isak had already been old news.

The beginning had been… awkward. And hard. Isak had always wanted children of his own but in reality, he didn’t have much experience with kids and had no idea what kind of a role to take in this family. Nobody had warned him that constantly being around kids you have no emotional connection to, can easily start to feel like a babysitting job that never ends. In the beginning it was tiring and irritating to have them around so often.

The first kid Isak began to have his own, personal relationship with, was Aurora. Aurora had been a gentle, emotional and affectionate six-year-old at the time of the divorce. Isak had felt like she was staring at him often, not in a hostile or a suspicious way, but with genuine curiosity. She had been the first one to say that she preferred for Isak to read her a bedtime story instead of pappa, and she was the one who'd wanted to go to the supermarket with him instead of waiting at home with the others. She had taken his hand when they had walked down the street. Isak had felt a surge of affection for Aurora for the first time right then and she had secretly become his favorite, at least during those early days. 

Soon, he had learned that Aurora was also very sensitive and had a fierce temper. It was another milestone, he felt, when the kids had started to show him their negative feelings too. He could handle it, especially with Aurora; her dramatic nature reminded him of Even. Isak saw how frustrated Even got with her and how much he struggled with her mood swings and temper tantrums. Isak, on the other hand, felt like he could reach out and calm her down easily. It had been, again secretly, the most incredible feeling to be the one who could solve a heated situation and to be the one who felt more like a parent.

During the first months in their new apartment Tobias -and often also the girls- had slept in the same bed with them. Marte was happy with her own room, for the most part, but came up with a lot of excuses to crawl into bed with the rest of them during the night. Isak had never slept so badly in his life and sometimes one of the men had had to retreat to one of the kids' beds, but he started to love it anyway. The constant proximity to the kids slowly did its job, and he started to bond with them.

Isak heard his phone ping and fished it out of his pocket. It was a message from Monika and it was as precise and on point as usual:

‘I forgot to tell you that Aurora has swimming tomorrow at school. Can you make sure she has a swimsuit, towel, hairbrush and a hair conditioner with her? Thanks.’

‘No problem’, Isak replied.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was miles better than before. Monika was now accepting of him and had moved on with her life. It had become clear that she was never going to try to hold on to Even after the divorce, but it had certainly not been easy for her. She had told Even about going to therapy and Even had joined her for a couple of sessions, to talk things through. Isak assumed that he'd never be friends with Monika, but that was fine; if he got mutual respect and somewhat friendly relations, he'd happily take that. And there was still time; who knew how their relationship would change over time. After all, much had already changed. After around the first year and a half, there had been a situation where Monika’s intense performing schedule and Even’s directional job out of town had clashed. In trying to figure out how to make it work, they had realised that Isak was part of the equation too. And that’s how Monika had agreed with Isak stepping onboard as the babysitter-stepfather; he still didn’t know what he was, exactly.

So sometimes, like now, Isak spent most of the week with the kids while Monika and Even were busy with work. Which was the best and the worst of times. He felt the need for his own space and for some quiet in the house - and yet there was something incredibly meaningful and right about taking care of them, being with them. The term stepfather still felt odd though; it felt too stiff. He just knew that he was someone to those kids and that they were dear to him.

***

Isak could hear Even entering the house and exhaled a little. Just hearing Even coming through the door relaxed him. Since the kids had fallen asleep, even Marte, who had the tendency to stay up too late if given the chance, Isak had been in front of his laptop catching up on work. He’d had to leave earlier than usual from work to pick up Tobias.

Even showed up at the door, looking surprisingly fresh and energetic.

‘Hey baby’, he said smiling fondly and Isak felt warm all over just at the sight of him.

‘Hi honey.’

He got up and went over to wrap his arms around Even. Isak instantly felt grounded by him.

‘Missed you’, he said quietly in Even's ear and he kissed him in response.

‘Me too. You have no idea.’

The fire between them was still strong and Isak had had to wonder about the strength of their mutual attraction. He had never believed in one true love - and he still didn’t - but it was clear to him that you don’t have many chances at a match like this in life. He felt, despite it all, unbelievably lucky to have found him.

Even was much happier and calmer nowadays than he had been in the beginning. It had taken a long time for the storm to die down and for them to feel at peace in their life and relationship. Monika was always around, through the kids, and Even’s mental state had suffered from the strain of emotional distress in so many people around them. 

The kids had all been sad and crying at the changes but had still been quick to come to terms with the new reality. Except for Marte, who was, by far, the most affected of the three of them. She had been moody and uncharacteristically clingy towards her father for quite a while. She had even wet her bed a few times. But even that had passed surprisingly fast considering the seismic change in their lives. Isak was amazed at children’s resilience and ability to adapt themselves. And the fact that the adults around them were making it the easiest possible time for them, eased the guilt and anxiety over the children's well-being like nothing else.

Magnus and Jonas had come to meet them at Isak’s place a few weeks after Christmas; they hadn’t wanted to meet in a public place at the time. They had made it to sit on the sofa before Magnus had burst into a laughter. Which had been both inappropriate and relieving at the same time.

‘Oh my god, guys! That was just… wow’, he'd said.

Even Jonas had been unable to hold back a little smile. ‘You guys really went out of your way to make his wedding memorable’

‘Yeah, sorry about that, Mags. Is Mari okay?’ Isak had squirmed.

Magnus had waved his hand. ‘Sure, don’t sweat about it. It didn’t ruin the wedding or anything.’

His friends’ easygoing attitude towards what had happened had been a relief, especially as so many friends of Even and Monika had been torn -and sometimes very angry. Many relationships had come to an end for Even.

***

Even sat on the sofa, the same worn-out Chesterfield, which Even had insisted on them keeping, and excitedly told Isak about the end of the shooting. Even had pulled Isak to sit on his lap and from up close Isak could see that he was clearly tired too. But his arms kept Isak tightly in place and caressed his back and arms like he needed to make sure Isak was really there. 

Isak smiled a little looking at Even's happy face and felt that everything was right in the world. Somehow, they'd gone through a grinder and come out in one piece. In the middle of Even babbling about broken camera gear, Isak leaned towards his ear and whispered: ‘Happy afternoon, baby.’

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic so please be gentle. I should warn you that I'm not a native English speaker and will be making mistakes all the way through. Nobody has proof-read this either.
> 
> Also, I'm not Norwegian so apologies for any mistakes I make about the culture, habits and language. I am from nearby though and I'll try my best.


End file.
